your-god-is-too-small May. 2016 | Page 57

rather than save one or two fortunate people when they “pray” hard enough. He is like me with my farm—you can’t get too involved or else that defeats the entire purpose of the formicarium. He’ll occasionally glance over at us, see what we’re up to, chuckle when get all excited about new technology, which to him is nothing special. I think the only thing that would piss him off is when people pretend to know what he wants from us. Take homosexuality for instance; the big religions are very clear that God believes it to be terrible, but if he really hated it, why does he allow it in nature? Those two male dogs having some gay love, are they going to hell? Doggy hell? I just don’t think he really gives a damn who we shag or what we get up to in the bedroom, why would he? Back when the Bible was written we didn’t have things like bondage or role-play, so how do you think God feels about this? Perhaps he should have a new and modern Bible written to clarify his apparent stance on same-sex relations... Frank 3:12 “I don’t mind what you get up to as long as it is not with another dude..You can tie each other up, drench yourselves in marmalade and quack like ducks while listening to heavy metal but just don’t do it in the naughty place.” I think God has more important things to worry about in the universe, like gamma-ray bursts and black holes, than whether or not you’re doing the dirty with the same gender. If you cannot process that thought, think about this: we’re talking about a guy who… Made the sun shine through thermonuclear fusion of hydrogen and helium at its core, but wanted fireflies to glow too, but did not want to use the same technique as before, so through ingenious engineering he made the fireflies a special set of cells that create an enzyme called luciferase which can drive a chemical reaction to create light. He created gravity that keeps humans on the ground and planets in the solar system, but made a few exceptions to P a g e | 57