that the reason God no longer spoke was because of the expanding
universe, which is flying away from us so fast that scientists are
beginning to think its legs are Jamaican. For the former Physics Head,
God was an inextricable part of this expanding universe—a prisoner of
sorts—so when the universe gained distance from us (as it is prone to
do), so did God. Thus, it wasn't that He had stopped speaking; it was
that the distance between us and Him had become too great to discern
any of His speech.
Editor's note: Hodinger, you stupid cunt. How's is life teaching remedial
math at a Juco, you fucking asshole?
We know now that the answer is much simpler; that God loves playing
games more than was previously thought, particularly the world-renowned
Game of Silence. One needn't do more than picture himself for a nanosecond
walking in the Creator's shoes to marvel at just how phenomenal His
achievements regarding games prove. Imagine! 2,000-plus years engaging
in the same round of the Quiet Game! We mortals can only dream of lasting
a whole meal without uttering one of our trademark dumb and useless
comments, much less multiple millennia.
###
So there you have it. Thanks to Einstein's genius, we've done it. Unearthed
what had been, up to the point of discovery, one of the most troubling and
vexing riddles of the universe. God has two games of preference: Telephone
and the Quiet Game, and He's an unrivaled master at both.
This leaves me with nothing else to say except the following: the next time
someone alludes to "God doesn't play dice" in conversation, I trust that you
now know how to respond.
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