The initial statement to be transmitted was not so much a statement as it
was a story, one so lengthy it would turn out to span over a thousand pages
in print. Nevertheless, the Almighty One recited His narrative perfectly,
exactly as He had envisioned it in His mind, to a man on planet earth that
history books remember as Noah, but whose actual name was Dave.
God instructed Dave to perform the very reasonable task of memorizing,
then relaying to someone else, His story in its entirety, which took 40
consecutive days and nights to narrate to completion. (It is not widely
known that God was a spitter when He spoke. Well, His speaking incessantly
for 40 straight days was cause for plenty of beatific saliva, which poured
tumultuously from the heavens and was the real reason for the Great Flood.
This also helps to explain the insurmountable drought that's plagued the
Sahara since the beginning of time—God doesn't talk to niggers.)
40 days later and Dave, with only two animals of every kind in his camp,
elected to retell God's story to a giraffe named Robert De Niro (not to be
confused with the human actor born in the 20th century, who has yet to
meet posterity). As can probably be guessed, much of the original account
was lost in the transmitting of the tale, mostly because giraffes are animals
and therefore incapable of comprehending things.
Nevertheless, the game of Telephone kept on unabated. Robert relayed the
story to Moses; who told the burning bush; who told Job; who told His best
friend Doug the Canaanite; who told his wife/cousin Sherry-Loo, who, big
mouth that she was, told the whole Parents of Jerusalem Middle School
Knitting Team; and on and on and on. Eventually, bearing the message was
a woman named Myla, who sold those knives capable of cutting through
sand to pharaohs on forty-deuce. When at last the time came, she chose an
ordinary carpenter named Louis as the recipient to God's diluted-manytimes-over tale. It's this last dissemination transaction that is of special
importance. Why?
Here's a hint: who else do you know that was a famous carpenter?
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