disappointment God felt in him etched into the faces of his family and
friends. He was depressed by the knowledge that he had let his best friend,
his protector, his very creator down. However, no matter how horrid he felt,
once the doubts about religion began to appear, they stuck. The lingering
doubts regarding his creator blossomed; it inspired further research, and
contemplation.
The more he began to think of religion as a man-made concept and not a
divine statute, the stronger his doubt became. No longer able to abide the
growing storm inside of him, Armin resolved to face the matter directly. God
was real, and he was absolutely certain of this. He simply needed proof,
actual, verifiable proof, not the mythos of a centuries old novel. He believed
once he managed to locate this proof, his faith would be stronger than ever.
Failing to find proof, he settled on any logical reasoning for the existence of
god. Once all of the logical explanations supporting god had been thoroughly
debunked, he grew desperate.
He prayed harder, begged God to help him. He wanted a sign, a message,
anything, anything at all to assure himself of a divine presence. Of course,
his prayers were never answered. All of this transpired during most of
Armin’s relatively young life, and by the age of 18 he had lost all of his faith.
He had come to the same conclusion as all of the rest of us. Like so many of
us, he felt cheated, betrayed, taken advantage of. He felt angry, depressed,
and broken. He had sacrificed so much, almost even his life, all for the sake
of a fairytale.
Of course, as it sometimes happens when leaving a lifelong religion, Armin
had moments of doubt. “Perhaps I’m mistaken. Perhaps there’s something
really wrong with me. Perhaps my fall broke more than my bones, perhaps it
broke my mind. Am I really that arrogant, to think that I’ve managed to
discover something that no one else has realized?” These were all common
topics for self debate during this period of self discovery. Unlike us, who
have this community to enjoy, Armin was the only atheist he knew. Being
the proactive, go-getter he had always been, he wished to let more people
know about his lack of belief, as well as the amazing journey which had led
to this conclusion.
Connecting via the Internet
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