Unsteady, quarter one, poem , page 14
This piece evolved from an image. One of my writing goals was to write a piece based on an image and while looking through pinterest I found an image of a
wooden bridge in the middle of a jungle. That image made me brainstorm tons of possible pieces one of those ideas is this piece. This piece really evolved through
revision. At first, my piece were mainly ideas and a few descriptions but then after peer editing I got feedback on places I could expand my ideas. Such places
including adding details about the smell of the place and being more dramatic in the ending. Using the feedback, I basically rewrote the poem and added a lot of
description that included the senses. This is one of my best pieces because the description and the way I developed the storyline is very well developed. Not only
that, but I think that my description exceeded the other pieces because all of my teammates agreed that the use of description made them want to keep reading and
I feel really proud about that. "I can hear it.The screeching.The cracked steps. My heartbeat." This is quote represents the types of descriptions I used. Some
descriptions included emotions, other facial descriptions and other how things felt. I think that this really helps the reader imagine the place in which the protagonist
was standing. I think that in this piece I could overall try to improve the word choice in order to make the poem more complex, but overall, I think it ended up being a
very original piece. I choose this piece as part of my final portfolio because it is one of my favorite since the message at the end of the poem is really powerful. Plus,
I really liked the way the poem flows, it reads very easily and will always keep the reader engaged.
The Shot , quarter three, prose , page 16
The idea for this piece started after I went to the doctor and received a shot. I’m not a very calm person when someone is trying to give me a shot, in fact, I hate it
and will probably cry. After receiving my shot, I started to think about all the negative effects a shot could have in the human body. I started to write and came up with
the marvellous idea of creating a shot that made you fall asleep. The piece was originally like a dream, but I changed it so it was the reaction of the character when
she woke up. This piece went through a lot of revision. At first, the piece was extremely disorganised and jumped from the ending to the beginning. During the paper
pass, I received a lot of comments that suggested removing most of the romance in the story because it distracted the reader from what was happening. I removed
most of the romance and just left the essential information to make the story clear. During revision, I also added more details like the Forever 21 and Abercrombie
details so the story would seem more real. This is by far my favourite piece because it shows my writing style which has a lot of descriptions and tries to be creative.
I really loved the ending because I worked a lot on trying to make it unexpected and think I met the goal. My strength in the piece was indeed the ending. I worked a
lot on making it unexpected and think I met my goal. The sentence that makes the story unexpected is, “ I rapidly went to my mom and asked her if she knew if I had
participated in any experiment of any kind. With a simple nod I knew it all had been because of the shot.” This sentence changes the entire story amazing the
readers. Probably what I need to work on the most for this piece is transitions. I think sometimes I just jump from one point to another making my piece have a lack
of good flow. This is clear in this sentence, “Find the problems that had made me not progress in my life. As I returned home, I received a call from a boy named
Robert;” this was a very sudden change and kind of ruins the flow of the story. I decided to add this piece to my final portfolio because it is probably the piece that
has gone through most revision. I really tried to use the feedback I received to make the piece more organized and think that in the end the piece improved a lot.
This shows my effort in using the feedback to improve the piece and I am very proud of that.
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