THE THREE LITTLE PIGS- FROM THE WOLF’ S POINT OF VIEW
YOU DON’ T SAY!
SOUND-ALIKE WORDS DID YOU WRITE IT RIGHT? Why you can’ t trust Spell Check to catch the wrong word
Back in 2009 Morgan St. James and Mike Dennis wrote the You Don’ t Say column for a newsletter. They had so much fun with it they even pitched a book, but that didn’ t happen. Several columns have been recovered and one will run each month. We hope you enjoy them.
MIKE DENNIS BOOKS BY MIKE DENNIS
THE THREE LITTLE PIGS- FROM THE WOLF’ S POINT OF VIEW
This is a fairy tale gone wrong— so many words are wrong!
It awl started when eye decided to bake a cake. I found eye had know sugar so I new eye had two borrow sum from my neighbor. Butt my neighbor was a pig, and knot a very smart won. Wood ewe believe it— he billed his house out of straw?
When I wrapped on the door, it fell write in. It’ s knot rite to just walk into a house, sew I called,“ Pig, pig?” Know answer.
I was about two leaf when eye had to sneeze. It was more like a huff and puff, and two my surprise, I blew thee house down. Write in the middle of thee straw was my poor pig neighbor— dead as a doornail. Sew I eight him up.
Sum say I was a cold blooded killer and a cannibal. Know I wasn’ t! It was an accident. And, after all, it wood knot bee write to pass up a good ham dinner. But I still didn’ t halve thee sugar.
Sew I innocently went two my next neighbor’ s house, who happened two bee the first pig’ s brother. Knot quite as dumb, he billed his house from sticks. Being very polite, I knocked on the door.“ Yoo hoo, Mr. Pig. It’ s wolf. Can eye come in?”
Yew no what he said?“ Go away, I’ m busy grooming the hairs on my chinny chin chin.”
I was about two turn and leaf when I felt another sneeze coming on. Before I new it, I huffed and puffed and sneezed a grate sneeze, and darned if his house didn’ t fall down to. Just like his brother, the pig was lying there in the middle of the sticks, stone cold dead. What’ s a woof two dew? My mama said its bad two waist food, sew I had to eat him up. Yew no, it was know worse then halving a second helping.
I was feeling a little full, butt still kneaded the sugar for my cake. Sew I tried won more neighbor.
Yeah, yeah, also a pig. I didn’ t want two tell him his to brothers were dead because he might knot give me thee sugar if he had it.
WRITERS’ TRICKS OF THE TRADE
PAGE 9
SPRING 2018