walks in the power of what God has for us. It
was just that realization though that we’re still
here, we’re not in heaven yet. There are going
to be struggles and fights, and God makes it
clear that we have to go into battle. It’s not like
the enemy can’t tempt us, or throw things in
front of us that we have to overcome. Jesus
makes it clear that there will be trials. This might
actually be something I have to battle another
twenty-five times in my life, but the one thing
I can’t let happen is let the fact that I struggle
with it defeat me altogether. That would be the
enemy’s perfect plan to just stop me from ever
even trying.
That’s when I felt like having that conversation
with Korey, and realizing its okay if I struggle. I
just have to choose to reach for God, choose to
fill my mind with truth, and choose to step out in
faith that God will meet me even though I don’t
feel strong or together. I know that He is strong
and He is together. All of the things I am lacking,
He has all of it, and I am going to step out to
the space where He is with me. Sometimes it
doesn’t actually change how you feel. It doesn’t
change how I maybe still feel a little stage fright.
That might not go away altogether, but if I can
rest and choose to focus my mind on who my
God is, and that He’s with me, then I can step
out boldly because it’s not about me, and it’s
all about Him.
That’s why I wanted to do a music video that
represented how that season felt. Basically, I
wanted to do a video that showed what it felt
like when I was in that really intense season. It
felt like fear was just knocking me down over
and over again. It honestly just felt massive
and impossible to beat. That’s why I wanted to
get a UFC fighter who was just huge, to make
how is this still something that comes up into It was a defining moment for me because I
my heart? I remember crying to Korey, “What if think as Christians we can often feel like when
this is just something that never goes away for we struggle we’ve failed. I felt that surely, if I
me?” and she looked at me and she said, “Well were living in real faith this wouldn’t be an
then you fight, Jen. With your breath and your issue for me, so I must be a sucky Christian,
lungs until the day that you die, you fight and or I must not have enough faith. It can make
you do not let it rob you of your life.” you feel so small and so defeated because you
want to be someone who walks in victory and
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October 2018
the fight look unfair. It felt unfair, it felt like I’d
never beat this. I also wanted to represent
how it feels in your mind, so I put myself in an
abandoned boarded-up house. Sometimes
you do just feel trapped in your own darkness.
So I show myself tearing down the boards and
searching for light, because sometimes, you
have to choose to fill yourself with light, hope
and the truth of the Word. Sometimes you have
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