myself at all , and I didn ’ t . I watched God open doors only He could , and it wasn ’ t because I was striving to make it happen . I ended up transitioning out of student ministry into leading for a Sunday morning service when I was 22 . Every week I had meetings with pastors who had been in ministry for decades helping plan services . It was definitely intimidating at times , but also , I just felt God ’ s strength and wisdom empowering me to do what He had called me to do .
He started healing the wounds and insecurities I had from the music industry and doing a new thing in my heart . I started writing songs again and incorporating them into the worship sets . Watching people respond in worship to songs I wrote was the most amazing , humbling thing . Those of us who have worked in ministry , male or female , know that it ’ s not always rainbows and sunshine . Many times , I felt disrespected or undervalued , or nervous to speak up and express my opinions , wondering if it was because of my age , or because I ’ m female .
Sometimes God would impress something on my heart to say , but I didn ’ t want to come across as too emotional or over-spiritual . This stemmed from my insecurities . However , the older I get and more I talk to people , I realize we all feel undervalued , disrespected , and insecure at times . We all have to learn to be gentle and not overcompensate for how we feel . We all have to learn to humble ourselves , admit that we ’ re not always right , and submit when we don ’ t always want to .
Ministry is not just a job at a church , ministry is living your life loving and serving God and loving and serving others . Whether you are male , female , young , or old , there will always be challenges and frustrations . We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world . I hope I have many more years of ministry ahead of me , but if I ’ ve learned anything this far , it ’ s that I ’ m nothing without God . I am weak , I fall short , but He never does . I want to lead from that place . James 3:13 says , “ Who is wise and understanding among you ? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom .” For me , that ’ s what kind of “ leader ” I want to be . I ’ m thankful and proud to be a woman , but I want to be marked by love and meekness in whatever capacity I lead .
I ’ ve been working at this church now for almost 13 years , leading worship . I have had to rely on God to do the work that only He can do and be confident because of Him . I have grown so much . I probably wouldn ’ t even recognize that 19-year-old girl who started in student ministry . Being a leader in ministry is a weighty thing . It has been such an honor to lead people to Jesus every week .
I ’ m now in a band called Natural State , and my family and I will be transitioning back to Nashville at the end of this month . God has confirmed very clearly that the ministry of Natural State is growing , and this is a step of faith we are so excited to make . Leaving this family of believers , I ’ ve led for so long , has been emotional , for sure . I know God has used me to pave the way for someone else to come in behind me and use their gifts for Him . And I don ’ t know who that person will be yet , but I do know they will be female . Our senior pastor actually requested of whoever comes behind me , that they be a female , because of how well the campus that I ’ ve led responded to me … specifically a female worship leader . And that makes me smile .