[ Luke ] You don ’ t have to hide . It ’ s okay . Everyone was very gracious with me in terms of leadership . Be very honest with yourself , it ’ s okay that you ’ re depressed . Do not hide it because everything festers in darkness . And then you either blow up on people , you quit your job , you do something reckless in your marriage or whatever , and then suddenly you have nothing . I was very worried that people would label me , and they would say , “ Oh man you have issues . You ’ re crazy ”. Stuff like that . But people are more gracious than you might think .
I had tools to cope with the depression better than I ever had . At the end of the day all of the therapy and medication was immensely helpful , and I am just so thankful that God created really smart and compassionate people to be a part of the healing he brought to my life .
[ WM ] How did suffering from depression affect your relationship with God ?
[ Luke ] Um , I , I feel like it affected my relationship with God in a few different ways . Like , initially I was mad about it . Like I was mad at God . It ’ s like , “ What ? Why are we doing this now ?”
[ WM ] Were you angry that God was allowing it to happen ?
[ Luke ] I never blamed God for it , but I was like , “ Why can ’ t you just like , pick me up out of this ?”
We sing about this stuff all the time . I ’ ve dedicated my life to this , and so the longer it went on , I thought things like ,” Do you hear me , God ? I ’ m tired of praying this prayer .” I never felt like God was gone , but I just didn ’ t feel like God was ready to answer my prayer . It felt like I was Israel having to wander in the desert for 40 years .
[ WM ] Do you think having depression
makes you more sensitive to people that are struggling ?
[ Luke ] At this point … I ’ m thankful . I ’ m so thankful for it , which sounds so weird . Like , I ’ m so thankful that I ’ ve gone through this because I feel like I can talk to somebody who is walking through depression in a very honest and real way . I ’ m definitely sensitive to it because that ’ s been my walk with God for the last three years . I spent three years searching for and then realizing that God is close to the broken hearted . I lived through the hope of “ Surely his goodness and mercy will follow you all the days of your life ”. I definitely am sensitive to those ideas in my songwriting lately .
[ WM ] Through this , do you think there is greater meaning to prayers that take a long time to be answered by God ?
[ Luke ] I am just reminded that He doesn ’ t waste anything . My experience wasn ’ t wasted in a season that felt so dang wasteful . It felt like zero progress in my life . But standing where I am now , it is so meaningful .
[ WM ] I must think a lot of churches are wrestling with this or finding themselves really worried about a staff member . They may be thinking , “ I have no idea what to do .” What do you say first to the person suffering from depression ?
[ WM ] So what do you say to church leadership ?
[ Luke ] Be patient but don ’ t keep your distance . Don ’ t check out . Bring some accountability with grace . Help put them on a journey toward help and change . You don ’ t have to be their counselor , but you probably need to be their pastor . Shepherd them towards health . Eugene Peterson ’ s book “ The Pastor ” says the job of the pastor is to not build a program or to move thousands of people to baptism . He says the job of the pastor is to pay attention , just pay attention . You don ’ t have to hover . Even people who are depressed can still be capable in their job .
[ WM ] Any other thoughts for people out there ?
[ Luke ] Sometimes I think that if people knew how I was doing , some people might say , ” You should ’ ve stepped down ”. But I ’ m really glad I didn ’ t . If more people did that , there wouldn ’ t be enough people leading in the church .
So yeah . For someone walking through it , I say , be patient … there is a way out . It may be a while , but there ’ s a way out and it ’ s gonna be worth it . And you ’ re gonna be really glad that you decided to do things that felt impossible . Things like going to counseling , getting on medication , staying in your job , being good to people . Everything just feels so difficult … but you ’ re gonna be so glad that you stuck with it . This isn ’ t forever . Things will get better .