[ Luke ] Absolutely . In the past , I was convinced that leading worship is exactly what God wants me to do . I felt so lucky to do what I do and so many other people search for their sense of purpose . I had that confidence … but suddenly I was questioning all of it . I was questioning myself because I was supposed to be this amazing person of faith . I was supposed to be this champion for my church and rally people to the goodness of God . But I wasn ’ t feeling any of that . It was such a battle and I felt like I was a total mess inside . It ’ s weird to be on stage when you feel like that .
[ WM ] It sounds like you probably felt like you ’ re living a lie .
[ Luke ] Totally .
[ WM ] How did you deal with those moments on stage when you were feeling something different inside ?
[ Luke ] I felt like every time I was leading worship it was a battle . I was so empty ; I was trying to worship out of desperation . But the battle was , “ Why do you have to try this hard to worship ?” Like , I was really down on myself about it . I felt like a fraud . I thought , maybe I need to step down because I don ’ t even believe this right now . And every time I got up there , it was a battle to be honest . And I feel like there were many times I was dishonest in terms of being a worship leader . Those moments when I would say , “ Isn ’ t God good ?” It felt fraudulent .
[ WM ] So how did you keep going ?
[ Luke ] Well , that was a huge part of it . I just kept going . I didn ’ t quit . I was in counseling , and I was leaning on our team a lot . I started to get more open and vulnerable about it with others . I started to get more honest with our team and confessing that I was not doing well internally at all .
But because there were people around me that knew me … the real Luke . They knew that even though I was struggling , that I was going to make it out . At the end of the day , it was one of those “ put one foot in front of the other ” kind of things .
Even though it took me 2-3 years , there was still the other side of that tunnel .
[ WM ] Were there elements of your work that helped you ? In other words , was it helpful to still have a purpose through your work ?
And I think there was a lot of grace for me there . If my team had said “ Well dude , you gotta figure it out .” I don ’ t think I would ’ ve made it .
This was a dark tunnel … but it was still a tunnel . There is another side . And I just had to keep reminding myself of that , we ’ re almost there .
[ Luke ] For me personally … I ’ m so glad that it was the busiest season of my life . I was thankful that I was so busy because when you ’ re bored