Step 1. Preparation: Purpose,
Process, Outcome
This first step involves determining
the purpose of the conversation,
the process you are going to follow
(the next three steps) and deciding
the outcome you want to achieve.
In your preparation, you want to
be clear about the issue you are
managing. It is important to consider
other factors that will directly and
indirectly impact on the quality and
outcome of the conversation. For
example, choosing an appropriate
environment, having an open mind
and having the intention to go into
the conversation as equals.
The last point is critical. Having a
difficult conversation, whether it is
with your manager, your peer, or
you team member, is not about using
power over the other person. Prepare
an opening statement which explains
your purpose for the conversation
and identifies the outcome you
would like to achieve.
Ask yourself:
“What are my objectives for this
conversation?”
“What do I think is the other person’s
position in this conversation? What
reactions am I anticipating?”
“What do I think the other person is
going to say?”
Prepare an opening statement
and set forth your purpose for the
conversation and the outcome you
would like to achieve.
Step 2. Beginning the conversation:
Openers
Open the conversation by
reaffirming that you value the
relationship, then explain your
intention to maintain integrity of the
relationship which is why you need to
address an issue that needs resolving.
It is important to communicate the
issue clearly as this reinforces why
you organised the meeting.
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Women’s Network Magazine
Opening statements:
“It would be good for us to talk
about ________. Do you have a few
minutes to talk?”
“I think we have different
perspectives about ________. I
would like to hear your thoughts on
this.”
Step 3. Keeping the conversation
going
Use the essential communication
skills of listening, good questioning,
providing feedback and being open
to receiving feedback. Aim to reach
agreement on what the issue is and
that both of you are responsible to
find a solution/resolution with the
overarching aim to maintain the
relationship.
“Tell me why this is important to you”
“What would be a satisfactory way for
us to resolve this together?”
“What issue/s are we trying to resolve
here?”
“In hindsight, what do you think you
or I could have done differently?”
“How about each of us clarify in
which ways we feel we have taken
action to resolve this issue?”
Step 4. Plan for action
Conclude the conversation with a
plan for “What next?” You lead up to
this by summarising the key points
and gaining agreement on the way
forward. In this final step, it is good
to both reaffirm commitment to
working together.
“So, we are agreed on what needs to
happen next?”
“What do you think the next step is?”
“Given everything we have talked
about, what do you think we need to
do from here?”
Within these four steps are other
important considerations such as:
1.
IDENTIFYING WHAT LED UP TO THE
CONVERSATION (THE ANTECEDENTS)
There are several reasons why
difficult conversations arise, poor
communication being a common
and key influence. Other causes
can include people avoiding
accountability, personality
clashes, unclear expectations
of behaviour or of the job role.
2.
TIMING OF THE CONVERSATION
Choosing when you have that
difficult conversation is critical
to its outcome. The last thing
you should do is spring it on the
unsuspecting person and expect
to get a positive response. As I
advise in step one of the 4-Step
Framework, preparation and
planning for the conversation is just
as important for the other person.
3.
HANDLING EMOTIONS (YOURS
AND THE OTHER PERSON’S)
Emotions have a huge impact on
how people communicate with
each other. You need to be aware
of how the situation is affecting
you, how you are feeling about it
-and consider these points from
the other person’s position. Using
‘I’ statements in your dialogue is
an effective approach to managing
the emotions that can be triggered.
Although you may be tempted to
say something like “You are not
taking responsibility for your role
in this project which is affecting
our progress to finish it”, you
will manage yours and the other
person’s emotions (and therefore
responses) by instead saying
something like “I find it frustrating
when you don’t complete your
allotted tasks as this delays the
project getting finished on time”.
You have explained how their
behaviour influences you and
importantly the project’s progress.
Also, you have referred to their role
in the situation, so it focuses on
specifics rather than emotions.