decision until you have waited at least 48 hours and have talked
to a trusted friend or counselor to get advice. Make a pros and
cons list to help with decisions and surround yourself with people
who encourage you and challenge you in a positive way.
4) Go for quality, not quantity. I wish I had a dollar for
every divorced parent who told me they wished they would have
learned more about their new boyfriend or girlfriend before get-
ting so involved with them.
Single parents tend to go through dating partners like wild-
fire (especially with the proliferation of online dating services),
and they are vulnerable to getting repeatedly hurt in the process.
I always tell people to ask to see a copy of a prospective partner’s
credit report, blood test, and to meet their mother! If they pass all
three with flying colors, then you are probably safe.
In all seriousness, you will have more luck attracting healthy
partners when you begin to exude a healthy attitude of confi-
dence and self-esteem. So, when you feel desperate for love, look
inward, not outward. “Know thyself” is the best defense against
getting involved with someone who may rob you of yourself.
Ultimately, before hooking up with someone on a permanent
basis, the only question you need to ask yourself is, “Does this
person improve the quality of my life?” If not, move on. When
feeling unsure or vulnerable, talk to a counselor or someone who
cares about you and find out what you need to do to improve who
you are and what you think about yourself. Then, Mr. or Mrs.
Right will come around for all the right reasons.
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5) There’s nothing like a plan. Most people I counsel who
have found themselves in distressing situations have done so
without ever planning for it. They often have lived day-to-day,
without much thought about the consequences of their actions. If
you don’t know where you are going, you will likely end up in a
place you don’t want to be.
This is also a function of self-esteem. If we value our self-
worth, we tend to protect ourselves from situations or events that
will be hurtful to us. The best defense against ending up in the
wrong place is to plan the trip. That doesn’t mean you are bound
to the final destiny, but you will at least be moving in the right
direction.
This requires you to look ahead and figure out where you
want to be in two years, five years, ten years, or twenty years. For
each time increment, write down areas that are important to you,
such as vocational goals, monetary goals, parenting goals, or lei-
surely dreams. Then you need to decide what has to happen now
in order to get to the places along the way. These goals become
your personal mission statement, so that when critical decisions
need to be made, you can check them against your mission to
decide if they fit.
Diane C. Dierks is a licensed marriage and family therapist in
Atlanta, Georgia. She is also author of “The Co-Parent Toolbox”
(2014 Aha! Publishing) and “Solo Parenting: Raising Strong &
Happy Families” (1997 Fairview Press). For more information
visit her website is www.dianedierks.com.
Open House K-5:
Friday, March 20th
9:30 - 10:30
NOW ACCEPTING
K-12 Applications for the
2020-2021 School Year!
Apply online at:
www.TapestrySchool.org
Applications due April 1, 2020
For more information call:
(716)204-5883 ext.1036
Connect with Tapestry:
Tapestry Charter School
@TapestryCharter
65 & 111 Great Arrow Ave, Buffalo, NY 14216
March 2020 WNY Family 69