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D
— by Malia Jacobson
riving your children to
school whenever they miss
the bus. Switching soc-
cer teams after a disagreement with the
coach. Polishing homework projects and
admissions essays. What do these sce-
narios have in common?
They’re examples of snowplow
parenting, the increasingly common
practice of removing obstacles from
your child’s path. If you’ve unwittingly
adopted a few of these practices, you’re
not alone. Per a recent New York Times
poll, up to three-quarters of parents ad-
mit to snowplow behaviors.
From ensuring that a child gets his
preferred teacher/locker/class schedule
each year to navigating all classroom
and playground conflicts, parents who
snowplow think they’re clearing the way
for achievement. In fact, snowplowing
prevents their child from learning how
to solve problems, resolve conflicts, and
manage relationships, robbing them of
the resourcefulness and resilience that
breed success.
Sound familiar? Here’s how to turn
your snowplow around.
EARLY YEARS 0-5
Small Snowplows
Parents of teens and young adults
aren’t the only ones who snowplow. In
younger children, snowplow parenting
can look like steering your child away
from scenarios that stir strong feelings
or going out of your way to prevent
any negative experience; say, leaving
work to drop off a forgotten homework
project so your child won’t have to deal
10 WNY Family March 2020
with missing a deadline. But protecting
children from all negative experiences
— like embarrassment, regret, or frus-
tration — prevents them from learning
how to cope when these feelings arise.
“Research shows that children who
have been overly protected from their
own emotions lack a sense of agency
over their own lives and are more prone
to develop unfulfilling relationships in
the future,” says Kamini Wood, certified
life and resilience coach for girls, teens,
and young women in Cary, North Caro-
lina. Rather than helping your little one
avoid every distressing moment, encour-
age an “I can handle it” mindset; Laurie
Wright’s Mindful Mantras books and au-
dio books offer fast, simple messages that
build resilience and emotional regulation.
ELEMENTARY
YEARS 6-12
Skill Building
Strong self-advocacy skills — that
is, the ability to stand up for oneself —
are important to master, especially for
school-age kids. They’ll have plenty of
opportunities for practice, from play-
ground politics to homework dramas
to sports scuffles. When snowplow par-
ents step in to smooth over these con-
flicts before children can resolve them
independently, they unwittingly prevent
kids from learning to self-advocate, says
clinical psychologist and mother of four
Michelle P. Maidenberg, Ph.D., of Har-
rison, New York.
To effectively walk the line between
snowplow parent and strong advocate,
first ask yourself whether the situation