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THE LETTER THAT CHALLENGED ONE WOMAN TO
BREAKDOWN TABOOS AROUND INFERTILITY…
‘When are you two having kids then? – best get cracking!’ It’s the
phrase that every couple who are trying unsuccessfully to have a
baby dread to hear.
And for one Wirral woman, receiving a letter prompted her to try and
change the taboo subject of infertility.
Sinead Murray from Wirral was diagnosed with unexplained infertility
four years ago after numerous tests. She wasn’t eligible for NHS
treatment. Sinead and her fiancé Gary decided to see what happened
as they had no physical reason as to why they couldn’t have a baby.
After two early ectopic pregnancies, where the embryo begins to
develop in the fallopian tube instead of the womb, sadly Sinead had to
have surgery to remove both of her fallopian tubes.
The couple's only other option was full IVF treatment which costs
£5500, so due to the exceptional circumstances, an application for
NHS treatment was submitted as it was now medically impossible
for Sinead to have a baby naturally. Last month, Sinead received a
letter saying their application was declined. It was a letter that was
to become the start of a campaign which is connecting women from
across Wirral.
“It wasn’t that our application had been declined that upset me.” said
Sinead. “We knew we didn’t fit the criteria, although I’m not sure how
they work this out. It was the fact that the letter didn’t even state mine
and my fiance’s names. It was so impersonal, like we didn’t matter.”
Upset, Sinead posted the letter on her Instagram and was immediately
contacted by friends and family suggesting they raise the money for
treatment.
“That wasn’t my intention.” said Sinead. “1 in 8 couples face infertility
so it’s much more common than you think. I was upset that someone
who might not be as lucky as me with the supportive family we have
and treatment options available, would receive this letter as if they
didn’t matter.
“The next morning, I woke up and I thought it would be a good idea
to raise awareness about infertility, make it easier to talk about and
try and make it less of a taboo. It’s not an easy subject to broach, even
some of my own family members find it hard to understand why I’m
talking about what we’ve been through so openly with it being so
personal.
“Often people don’t consider it or aren’t aware that questions like ‘why
haven’t you got kids then?’ or ‘when are you two having kids then?’ can
really hurt. I thought it might help if people had a bit more awareness
about how to ask stuff like that.”
Sinead asked on social media if anyone could help if she wanted to put
on a charity event and the offers soon came rolling in.
“Within 24 hours, I had a venue, raffle donations and I was totally
overwhelmed! We’ve decided on a Fun Day raising money for Fertility
Network UK. They are amazing. They will help people in all types of
situations and support many couples. It doesn’t matter what criteria
you fit into. It’s taking place on Sunday 21st July 2019 at Birkenhead
Park Rugby Club from 1pm. We’ve got stalls, raffles, singers, bouncy
castles, a barbecue, face painting and still more to confirm.”
And Sinead says she’s been staggered by the response from people who
have contacted her.
“People who have lost babies or who are struggling to get pregnant
should be able to talk freely and be open. Since I did this, I’ve met
some amazing women who have shared their stories with me and
given me permission to share it on their behalf. Others have then
commented and found healing through hearing these stories, there are
women and couples who have felt less alone knowing that other people
have been through a similar experience to them and they understand.
They build a rapport because there is a mutual understanding. I can’t
believe how many people have had personal experience of infertility
or miscarriage. There are many more people out there struggling than
people realise.”
And what would Sinead like to achieve?
“We want people to come with their families and have a lovely family
day out and appreciate that everyone deserves to have a family, not
just those whose postcode fits or those who meet criteria. I’ve had
people thanking me for raising awareness – and I’m only talking about
Wirral! Nationally there are 3.5 million people who are having fertility
issues.”
“The response has been amazing and hopefully our little social media
community of warriors – as I call us - will be able to meet face to face
instead of just virtually!”
“While we’d like to raise as much money as possible – what we’d really
like is to feel that people are there to support a cause - that it’s ok to
be open about this subject and that we’re all pulling together as a
community, so that if you encounter infertility or miscarriage in your
life, whether that’s a daughter, a co-worker or a family member that
you’ll have a better idea of what to say and how you can support them.”
The Fun Day in aid of Fertility Network UK takes place on Sunday
21st July 2019 at Birkenhead Park Rugby Club from 1pm.
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