AROUND CAMPUS
Dialogue with Dr . Schwartzman
As of this school year , Dr . Michael Schwartzman , Saint David ’ s consulting psychologist since 2007 , has expanded his role and is on-site as Saint David ’ s school psychologist . As we emerged from the Covid-19 pandemic , Dr . O ’ Halloran thought it was the right time for Dr . Schwartzman to be more present at the school . In addition to being a board certified psychoanalyst , Dr . Schwartzman is the author of The Anxious Parent , Freeing Yourself from the Fears and Stresses of Parenting and the co author of Giving Hope , Conversations with Children about Illness , Death and Loss .
In October 2022 , Dr . Schwartzman was the featured guest at our Parents Association Meeting during which he engaged in a dialogue with parents about boys ’ mental , social , and emotional health . The following are takeaways from the conversation .
Importance of the teacher / student relationship : Dr . Schwartzman noted that the school ’ s approach focuses on developing the paramount relationship between the child and teacher . The teachers , whether homeroom teacher , Sophrosyne or advisor , know the boys best . They may consult with Dr . Schwartzman on an issue or concern , with the goal being for the teacher and boy to then engage further . “ The emphasis is on keeping it as comfortable as possible and it ’ s generally preferable for the boys to meet with their teacher .”
On loss and grief , the subject of his latest book : Dr . Schwartzman wrote his book to help make the difficult conversations around loss a bit easier for parents . It is normal for there to be an impact if someone close to one ’ s children dies . “ Thinking about loss and death is upsetting , especially when thinking about it from a child ’ s point of view .” He advised parents to be aware of talking about what ’ s really on their own minds , rather than what ’ s on their childrens ’ minds . He also emphasized the importance of being present . “ When you are facing loss , there is no better antidote than togetherness ,” he said . “ The words are only part of it . A child should never worry alone , or be afraid to speak with parents .” He encouraged parents to be involved and available , but cautioned that timing difficult conversations is also important . “ The worst time to have a difficult conversation is when you are very emotional , or right before bedtime ,” he said . “ Present a calm background , devoid of distraction , if possible , and remember that the conversation will be ongoing — not done all at once .”
Concerns about post-pandemic social emotional development and behavior : Noting that Saint David ’ s boys were fortunate to have had continuous ongoing in-person school and school life during the pandemic , Dr . Schwartzman credited that connection with positive effects . “ The academics remained really strong , which we know from the testing data ,” he said . Now that the boys can be together freely again , teachers are paying closer attention , wanting the boys to feel the joy of being together while also supporting their learning . Certain signs that may indicate there may be something wrong or lingering include if a child demonstrates apathy or continuing sadness , or difficulty paying attention . “ Rest assured , the teachers here are always looking , and will always be looking for these signs ,” he observed .
Tech Use : Technology was an invaluable tool during the pandemic in connecting people when they couldn ’ t be together in person . Since the improving conditions , Dr . Schwartzman has seen the use of technology by boys change . “ They love being outside , playing sports , when these were brought back , most gravitated toward in-person rather than online activities .” He expressed the complicated nature of social media , “ what you say online matters , and it is important to watch how children are influenced in this area .”
Joyful Balance : Saint David ’ s approach is to encourage talking openly about thoughts and feelings . This occurs throughout the school ’ s program . In Sophrosyne sessions , boys take responsibility and talk about their feelings , and also communicate on behalf of each other , not just themselves . Dr . Schwartzman advised parents to work on whatever challenges they themselves have , so that they can be most present in a relaxed state for their children . “ Joy comes to you when you are relaxed ,” he said . “ The relational component is so important . Know who your child really is , and ask yourself : does what you want for your child reflect your dreams , or who your child really is ?”
46 • Saint David ’ s Magazine