Winter Garden Magazine June 2014 | Page 21

• Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness. Warning signs of physical violence People who are being physically abused may: • Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents.” • Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation. • Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors). Warning signs of isolation People who are being isolated by their abuser may: • Be restricted from seeing family and friends. • Rarely go out in public without their partner. • Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car. The psychological warning signs of abuse People who are being abused may: • Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident. • Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn). YOU CAN HELP Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling yourself that it’s none of your business, you might be wrong, or the person might not want to talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his or her life. Do’s and Don’ts Do: • Ask if something is wrong. • Express concern. • Listen and validate. • Offer help. • Support his or her decisions. Don’t: • Wait for him or her to come to you. • Judge or blame. • Pressure him or her. • Give advice. • Place conditions on your support. Talk to the person in private and let him or her know that you’re concerned. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person that you’re there, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that you’ll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that you’ll help in any way you can. Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they’ve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing.