How dare they? What the hell do they think they’re doing? What
would possess somebody to attempt this stunt? Get in line with
everybody else! Wait your turn!
The blood begins to boil. The frustration furnace is starting to
glow white-hot.
But wait. What is in our control? What we choose to do.
This is where the magic gesture is useful. No, not that gesture.
Even though the single-digit salute might be the first gesture that
comes to mind to share, make the conscious decision to keep it
tucked away. Replace it with another gesture, one affectionately
called the sweep.
What is the sweep? Let’s practice it together. Hold out one hand
with elbow nearly outstretched. Turn the palm facing upward.
Next, depending upon the direction of the merging vehicle, make
a broad, gracefully sweeping motion with the hand and arm in
unison. Draw a squiggly approximation symbol in the air with the
hand. Allow the gesture to clearly state, “Please go ahead of me. I
can tell you are in a hurry today. It would be my pleasure to allow
you to insert your vehicle in this line in front of mine.” Do so with
a smile. Add a confident nod of grace and acceptance. Show an
absence of rage or disdain. Channel one’s inner Chip and Dale to
master the sweep.
Some are thinking, “Are you crazy? Why would I let this other
driver ahead of me? They did not follow the rules. If I allow them
to squeeze in front of me, it only makes it seem as though I am
approving their behavior. I have reinforced their rudeness. They
will never change their ways if they keep getting away with it.”
Breathe. Find the miniature rake and sand garden. Look within.
Control that which can be controlled—our own choices. Ask the
heart, “How much does it really matter?”
In the forthcoming book, “Engaging the Head, Heart and Hands
of a Volunteer,” this concept is referred to as Otherliness. That is,
placing the needs, wants and desires of others ahead of our own.
It’s a simple belief rooted in the mantra, It Ain’t About Me.
Why choose Otherliness? Otherliness is incredibly freeing. When
the decision is made to allow others to go ahead, not only on
the road but in all aspects of our lives, we let go of the white-hot
rage and replace it with a Zen-like peace. The tranquility washes
over the driver, hopefully spilling out into the lanes next to us.
At the most, we may influence the next decision other drivers
make. At the least, we have released the burden of anger while not
contributing to the perpetuation of rage on our roads.
By choosing to follow, we choose to lead. By applying Otherliness,
we also take care of ourselves.
When the behaviors that typify road rage become the initial
reaction to a scenario, consider sharing a new gesture. Practice
the sweep. With a little adjustment in the heart and mind, the
gesture that signifies grace and acceptance can and will become
second nature. Doing so will makes the roads we share a little
safer. The gesture may also ma