Serious Illness Changes Course
of Lawyer’s Life, Career, and Practice
By Jackie M. Stebbins
Lawyers have two great fears in life: 1) missing a deadline and 2)
getting sick. Missing a deadline is scary and keeps us awake at night,
but getting sick is about the worst. A simple cold or the stomach
flu can require us to reschedule a deposition which could possibly
change the course of the case and other deadlines, and it feels like all
the dominos then start to fall. We’re humans, so we’re going to get
sick, but we’re also lawyers, so we can plan for everything. Or wait,
can we?
I am a lawyer and I fell deathly ill while in private practice. It was
unexpected, there was no accordingly tailored action plan, and it was
worse than I ever could have imagined.
In late May 2018, I was diagnosed with auto-immune encephalitis
(AE) and it has forever altered the course of my life. My disease is
a sneaky assailant. It took my body and it took my mind before I, or
anyone around me, could get a serious hold on what was going on.
Jackie M.
Stebbins
I suffered from insomnia for quite a while before I decided to take
it seriously, but only because I was afraid it would start affecting my
work. All signs pointed towards depression and anxiety. Lawyers
become depressed from their workload and stress, that’s a fact. Who
was I to believe I was any different, especially because of the hours I
was working and the nature of the cases I was handling as a family
law and criminal defense attorney. I didn’t want to admit to any
mental health issues, but the slow and serious deterioration of my
health finally made me admit and accept it.
I was prescribed antidepressants to sleep and continued to plow
through work. I told myself I’d take time off in the summer, I just had
to make it through my busy spring. By the end of April, I was still an
insomniac, my jaws were clenched, my hands were shaking, and my
ears rang. In early May, I left work for a week’s break. Earlier that day,
I had what I now know was a serious anxiety attack at my desk, and I
knew I couldn’t stay at work any longer. I believed I needed time for
my medication to kick in, which would hopefully allow me to sleep.
On the surface I told myself I would return to work very soon, but
a deep down dark thought told me I’d never return to my office as I
nearly collapsed out the door that day.
Only six days after I left work, I checked myself into the psychiatric
ward. My decline was obvious. I wasn’t very communicative, I stared
a lot, I couldn’t sleep during the day or night, I no longer believed
I was fit to drive with my children, and my body stopped working
while I tried to swim or bike. I suffered from paranoia and confusion
and hallucinated with prescribed sleeping medication. During
my 48-hours in the ward, my mind started to slip and things like
knowing the date and reading a clock became a challenge. I struggled
to read and write. I cried and exhibited serious tremors. Something
told me I didn’t belong in the ward, but I was desperate for help to
sleep and to feel better.
Jackie M. Stebbins graduated with distinction from law school
in 2009. She practiced in family law, criminal defense, and
civil litigation. Stebbins’ work as an attorney before the age
of forty earned her national recognition through The National
Trial Lawyers and Super Lawyers, Rising Stars. She also earned
various family law and criminal defense awards and local 40
under 40 achievements.
In 2019, Stebbins retired from the practice of law because of
serious health concerns and founded JM Stebbins, LLC, to
work as a motivational speaker and writer. She is currently
writing a book about her experience with auto-immune
encephalitis and her daunting recovery. Stebbins can be
reached at [email protected] or 701-471-2136.
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THE GAVEL