by ANONYMOUS
Eureka ! I found it . A lifetime on this planet , scrambling and searching , and I finally found it with years to spare .
I
’ m talking about that nebulous , elusive , much sought after elixir called … Happiness . That ’ s right . I ’ ve achieved enlightenment . Perpetual joy . A state of grace . And it only took about , what … 2-3 decades ? That ’ s ok … the wait was worth it . All those years of pride-swallowing , crushing poverty have made this moment all the more sweeter . I ’ m free . And what a blissful place to be . Now I ’ m going to help you achieve it , my fellow starry-eyed wannabe scribe . I ’ m going say the two words that will set you free : Liberate Yourself . That ’ s right … liberate yourself . How ? Easy . Just stop giving a shit what other people think about you and your work . That ’ s how you become truly free . And how do you get there ? Well , you ’ re halfway there already . You ’ re a struggling writer , right ? Starving artist ? Yip , well on your way … to creative freedom and true liberation . Chances are , the only person on this continent more impoverished , hopeful and deluded than you right now is your average Ethiopian wannabe Astronaut . In fact , in my experience as a struggling ( white ) South African filmmaker , I think it would ’ ve been more lucrative to aspire to being the first Ethiopian Astronaut to fly to Mars in rocket ship made entirely out of Kentucky snack-box cartons , rather than pursue a career in the SA film industry .
( Btw , anybody out there seen that banned SA film that ’ s causing all the hullabaloo ? What ’ s the story , was she of age , or wasn ’ t she ? If she was , then … what ’ s the problem ? Not like this sort of thing hasn ’ t been done before ? If she isn ’ t , then … wtf dude ? This isn ’ t the good ol ’ days of CALIGULA and DEEP THROAT , you know . What were you trying to do , a less subtle approach to LOLITA meets SILENCE OF THE LAMBS ?)
Next step to liberation … get your wife , girlfriend , sister , grandmother or nanny to bake you a niiice , big , crusty humble pie . Then cut yourself a generous slice of that pie and wolf it down in one gulp . If you still have room , eat the whole fkn pie . That ’ s right . Humble yourself . It ’ ll take the edge off all the shit sandwiches you are going to be eating from now on , and it will help you through all those years of condescending comments , advice and lowered eyes from family and friends every time you talk about your … uhm … “ career ”.
by ANONYMOUS
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