The Pleasure Paradox and the pursuit of happiness 195 the greatest problem in relationships is not‘ communication’ – that is just the symptom rather than the cause. No, the greatest problem afflicting humans is an expectation that one should receive love without first committing to give love irrespective of whether one will receive it. The second greatest problem is being unable to receive love that is genuinely given. For a deeper insight into these issues read‘ Receiving Love’ by the relationship guru, Harville Hendrix. I believe that working on how to speak the languages of love of those we care about( as we discussed in the previous chapter) and making them feel more loved is one of the most rewarding goals we can take on in life. It is beyond the scope of this chapter and would be a book in itself to explore this issue of happiness fully. Fortunately a good one has been written on these issues by Martin Seligman entitled Authentic Happiness and I thoroughly recommend it to those of you who would like to learn more of this subject. In summary, while there is nothing wrong with having pleasures in our life, just don’ t confuse them with bringing happiness as there is little relationship between pursuing pleasure and living a happy life. Often people in unhappy lives are having more pleasure experiences with food, sex, drugs and other substances than people living happier lives. The Low Sacrifice Diet is all about recognizing the need for pleasure in our life through continuing to eat those yummy high sacrifice foods. But if you want to fill the inner void of unhappiness no amount of food is going to achieve this. Instead you need to confront the much more challenging question:‘ What goals are important to you in life?’ The grand-daddy of this question, the most difficult of all is:‘ What is my purpose in this life?’ Confronting and pursuing the answer to this question is both the most threatening and the most rewarding of all of life’ s challenges in the pursuit of happiness. Indeed, my definition of‘ success’ is actively pursuing one’ s purpose in life. As this definition suggests, success, as I define it, is an ongoing process rather than a definable point in a person’ s life. Fully exploring this, however, is beyond the scope of this book.