Self-sabotage 143 occur. For many people, being slim is really just a‘ nice idea’. So when push comes to shove and we need to say‘ No thanks’, all of a sudden being slim is not really that important to us. This chapter, however, is written for those of you who might have noticed more complicated and mysterious forces at work – unconscious forces – just as Pat had noticed. Sometimes there are deeper reasons why we might not want to be slim, or we might want to stay overweight. This chapter will explore the deeper workings of the mind for those of you who are interested. If you have repeatedly failed at dieting then this chapter might help you to understand why. If these issues do not apply to you or you are not so interested, feel free to skip this chapter. Being in two minds As Pat and I worked on understanding what was going on we did, in fact, find she had an inner demon. Not a particularly scary, nightmarish demon, just a mischievous little guy who had been wreaking havoc with Pat’ s diet for years. At least he had been until we hunted him down and worked out his game. As a child, neither of Pat’ s parents took much interest in her. Her mother was depressed and her father was a workaholic. Pat recalled how if ever her mother saw her grooming herself in the mirror she would be criticized for being vain. As a child she learned to hide any selfgrooming from her mother and, much more critically, she learned to be ashamed of looking good. As Pat’ s story illustrates, every single one of our habitual behaviors exists because at some earlier point in our life there was a very good reason for them, or something like them. Our unconscious mind is simply that part that remembers and stores these earlier lessons and now lives by them to keep us safe. It keeps a record of all the unwritten rules. The problem is that they were programmed in without a‘ use by’ date. The unwritten rules are all about what keeps us safe – away from emotional and physical pain. Like the instincts of animals keep them safe from potential danger, this is the job of our unconscious.