“I Will Not
Say Obey!”
BY TARA PAYNE
T
his is what I looked
at my future husband
and said as we were
preparing our vows and
planning our wedding. I did
not stop there. I went on to
tell him that I was looking for
a husband, not a father, so
there would really never be any
reason for me to “obey” him
anyway. Why was I so adamant
about this? always be able to take care of
myself. My daddy was an amazing
man, but he passed away when I
was 12 years old. So, I didn’t have
any memories of him “leading”
our family. I remember my mama
taking care of herself and me with
very little outside help. I also saw
some very unhealthy marriages
around me where the man was
very domineering and the woman
was a doormat. I made up my mind
very early that I was not going to be
treated that way. I would never let a
man tell me what to do.
I was raised by a fiercely
independent woman and was
taught very young that I should What made this even worse was
the fact that Alex had never given
me any reason to come out and
24 | Wedding belles
say this. He always treated me with
kindness. I remember how chill he
was about it. He just looked at me
and told me I could say, or not say,
whatever I wanted in the vows and
we went on planning everything out.
Our wedding day came and went... I
did not say “obey”.
It wasn’t until several months after
our wedding that he told me how
much that conversation had hurt
him. He told me that he knew I said
it because of what I had seen in
other marriages but he was not like
those other husbands and I should
not treat him as such. Because of
this hard conversation, I started
watching how Alex treated me and
VOLUME I • ISSUE 2