DOCTORS' LOUNGE
DOCTORS' LOUNGE
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WHINING IS WORTHLESS AUTHOR Mary Barry, MD
If mother said we were whining, it was
an insult. No self-respecting child should
whinge and whine (though, of course we
did–about who got what cookie, whose
turn it was to do dishes and who took
my book that I left “right here”). But it
lowered her opinion of us when we did,
and there are few things more effective
than a mother’s sneer.
Whining was useless. I cannot remember a single instance of
success, as opposed to earnest pleading, armed with facts and a
specific agenda – facts counted.
Right now, I am practicing my sneer in the mirror for all these
wimpy whiners who will not wear a mask. Some are just young and
heedlessly and selfishly careless and scoff at the very idea of a mask.
They are intent on seeking their pleasures and feel no compunction
to protect anyone – they feel immortal still. The older ones say they
“get hot” and they “feel smothered” and “I hate them” and “they fog
up my glasses” and “they bother my nose” and “they feel tight” and
“it’s all a hoax.” The honest ones say, “I can’t be bothered” and “I
refuse to be ordered” and “who cares about you?” Whiners irritate
us because they are asking for something not real or not possible,
or asking to get out of some essential duty.
Over and over, I have read of anti-maskers who protest prominently
and publicly, then get sick with COVID-19 and die. They
were proud of their stances and often proud in proclaiming that
their faith would protect them, and they needed only that. Their
grieving families “can’t understand what happened.”
That’s because there is a strong correlation between whining
and denial, and denial and magical thinking. “If I don’t eat, I will
be beautiful and strong,” whispers the anorexic. “If I eat this pie,
I will walk, walk, walk,” says the diabetic. “If I drink this wine, it
will be the last bottle,” says the drinker, checking all the cabinets.
Denial is universal and hard to escape, but we can recognize it
in ourselves by its calling cards: a moment of guilt, a moment of
self-reproach, a question spoken inside our heads and the inner voice
of a mentor, friend or parent speaking. It’s the pause that refreshes
our reality, not our wishes, for we all have some awareness of denial.
We either choose to accept that awareness, or we push it away.
The phrase often used is “her conscience pricked her,” and that is
what we must heed, our consciences telling us that we are deluding
ourselves, again. We should stop short, pay attention and examine
our motives. We should do more research and ask ourselves if we
are following some herd, some admired person, instead of finding
out the facts of something for ourselves. Are we in denial because
it makes us money, gets us out of something or gains us a favor?
Is it just because it feels good to indulge - why is that so vital right
now? What are we hoping for?
The anti-maskers deny the very existence of COVID-19, or at
least deny its dangers or that anyone they know could possibly have
it. They deny themselves access to news that’s not propaganda. They
deny that science confirms we can all die from it, because their pastor
or their president or their spouse said, “It will all just disappear.”
Nobody they trust has insisted that they wear a mask. Nobody they
look up to has demanded it or been a role model, so why bother?
Why “give in to the masses” when you believe you are better than
they are? Why “let them win” when you are securely invulnerable,
and you look with disdain at people who follow Dr. Fauci, instead
of your heroes. The very idea of wearing a mask now represents
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