E
R
VICIOUS CANDY MAGAZINE
www.VICIOUSCANDY.com Preview Issue
V
C
I
T
A
S HOW WELL DO
YOU KNOW
OUR FOUNDING
FATHERS?
G
The story of George Washington they didn’t want you to know.
eorge Washington
is known to all as
the Father of our
Country and was
a great man with
all his accomplishments. It is
coincidental he is called the
father of our country since he was
actually impotent and could not
have any kids of his own so he
just decided to father a country
instead. Maybe he used up all his
sperm fathering the country and
had none left to father kids. Who
knows, but there is a whole bunch
of stuff about Washington and
some of the other founders of our
great nation that you probably
never knew and yes we are going
to expose it all here, right now.
Washington actually ran his own
spy organization and was really
like the first James fricking Bond.
He had a reputation for being
almost invincible and he seemed
to possess a magical immunity
to bullets. In one early encounter
in the French and Indian War, he
absorbed four bullets in his coat
and hat and had two horses shot
from under him yet emerged
unscathed. This led one Indian
chief to predict that some higher
power was guiding him to great
events in the future. He built up
his spy network over the years
and he was the only one who
truly knew the scope of how he
was spying on the British. It was
believed that he was doing that
through the infiltration of some
of his female slaves as hookers
into the British camps and getting
them to tell secrets in bed. Yes,
George was also probably the
nation’s first full time pimp as
well. Who would believe a black
women was a spy for the fricking
President! The female slaves
were under direct orders from
Washington to hang around
the British Camps and sell their
services to the Generals who
were horny as hell after all this
time away from home. He would
then keep the money they made
and also have them tell him the
secrets they learned. That team of
spies were called the Black Widow
Makers, thus derived later with
different meaning the term Black
Widow.
He was also known to torture
those enemy soldiers that were
caught. He had some of the
strongest hands even seen and
could crack walnuts using just
his fingers. Well the strength in
those fingers would be used to
break various parts of the human
anatomy on the captured soldiers.
He would bust their noses just by
practically touching them, also if
they were one of the ones who
slept with one of his slaves… well
guess what else he made use of
with his hands? Yep, George was
a real ballbuster.
It really appears that good ole
George had many talents. He
opened his own distillery in 1798
PAGE
25