Relationships
Dom FAQ
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I am new to this lifestyle and I am dating what is called an alpha sub. That is a strong willed
woman who is dominant in her vanilla life but in the bedroom is a sub. My biggest concern is
not her taking over but of myself getting out of hand and going too far. I want to dominate not
hurt or seriously injure. I also am not much of a sadist and she is not much of a masochist.
Any advice in this area would be very helpful. - Sadist in Sacramento
Welcome to the Lifestyle. I hope you have fun. Doms emerge gradually over time and, hopefully,
continue to grow. There is no one true way to be Dominant. But there are some wrong ways. Everyone
is different. Each needs to find there own way.
While SM and D/s often overlap to some extent, no one needs to do both. Do not feel pressured
to be something you are not. As a New Dom you need to learn how to do what you want in a safe way.
Unintentional pain and injury should be avoided. Learn from several sources. They do not always
agree. Go beyond the internet. Read good books on the topics that interest you. John Warren’s “Loving
Dominant” is one of my favorites. Also try to learn from the more experienced. Attend local events if
there are any in your area.
Personally, I do not use the term “alpha.” But it is not unusual for a submissive to be strong and
compete