“ Why else do you think?” he chuckles.“ To protect you from the other cat.” I was baffled.“ Now how is one cat going to protect me from another cat?”
“ Christ, you know nothing about cats,” he sighs.“ Alright. Listen. You got an asshole cat in your house. Right? Well, if you have another cat in the house, then any time that cat – the asshole cat, I’ m talking about – any time that asshole cat tries to scratch you, the other cat – the protector cat – it’ s going to stop the asshole cat. So say if, hypothetically speaking, you’ re taking a nap on the couch and that asshole cat tries to claw your eyeballs out or something. Well, that other protector cat is going to come and protect your ass and save your damn eyeballs.”
That made sense at first. Until I really thought about it.“ How in the hell can I possibly rely on that other cat to save me?” Again he sighs.“ Sometimes, man, you just got to depend on the decency of other cats.”
“ No, I mean – alright, hypothetically speaking, say if that other cat – the protector cat – say if it’ s busy. Say it’ s in the bathroom doing its business or say it’ s roaming outside or napping or eating lasagna and complaining about Mondays or doing whatever it is cats supposedly do when nobody’ s looking. Say if that cat’ s not around, and the other cat – the asshole cat – tries to attack me. What do I do then? Or what if it is around? What if – hypothetically speaking again – what if that protector cat is actually around, but it’ s not quick enough or strong enough to stop the asshole cat. What then?”
“ Hm,” he mutters.“ You might have a point there.”“ I thought I might.”“ You’ ll just have to get more cats.”“ Fuck you.”
“ I’ m being serious. The more cats you get, the safer you’ ll be. You’ ll have cats keeping eyes on other cats, and the minute one cat starts acting up, there’ ll definitely be another cat around to help protect you.”
“ Now I’ m being serious. Fuck you.”“ Well, you have any better plans?” Like I said. I was desperate for something.
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