Coffee Anyone? By Danielle Urban
I t
was work day as usual on the USS Mars Navy
ship. The navy supplies us the heaviest yet
darkest coffee muck to drink. It’s black than
black and the bitter hot taste makes you want to
spit it all out. But when it’s cold out and you need
the caffeine, it’s all we got.
Some can’t handle it all all. Wusses. But for
sailors like myself, we can drink it.
So, it was strange when one moment a fellow
sailor was sipping his coffee and just as I turned
around he was nowhere to be seen. Only a huge
spot of what looked to be and smelled like the
coffee I was drinking.
Strange.
“Hey, Stuart it’s time for us to..” Patrick
looked down at me wiping the coffee up.
“Where’s Stuart?” Patrick asked.
“I don’t know. He was right here and then
the second I turned around he was gone only
this mess was left behind.”
“That’s strange..”
“What is?” I asked.
“I have been hearing rumors that sailors
on board are disappearing left and right. One
second they’re there the next time you
look..they’re gone.”
Patrick started stepping out backwards and then
ran off to who knows where.
I stood back up, tossed the dirty paper towel into
the garbage pin and was about to leave.
The coffee machine was turned off. Or I could
have sworn it was. I walked over to turn it off, but
it wouldn’t budge. I weighed about 160 and was
6 foot 2. I worked out everyday and did many
laps in the pool to stay fit. Turning the coffee
switch should have been easy. But it was
proving harder than one could imagine.
Shit. Why is this damn thing stuck.
Ping! Shit. Major shit. I just broke off the switch
and now a huge mass of coffee came pouring on
out of the machine. But instead of being the
causal liquid…it was coming out like a glob. Just
like the spot on the floor. Next thing I see is the
coffee glob reaching upward forming into a
human body shape..
What the f**k!
Coming to life the glob like coffee monster came
walking up to me. Growing larger until it towered
above my six foot frame. I stood still. Frozen on
the spot just from what I was witnessing. Never
in my 10 years as a US Naval Officer have I ever
witnessed something like this..
The coffee killing monster.
Red came up into the mess room. Right before
him he saw a huge black human like glob
structure towering over his six foot friends body.
It was about to…eat his friend. Not on his watch!
Running with a broom nearby, Red charged into
the black glob only to disappear. The monster
before Will grew larger. Running out of of the
mess room his shuts the door, only to see the
glob after him.
This time larger yet. Men all around were
shouting, Will kept on running..
What to do? What to do?
Will turns the corner and the coffee glob follows
after him. Eating fellow sailors as he walks, the
monster continues after Will.
Damn it. Does this thing ever stop?
Just as Will runs down two steps at a time, the
monster catches him..and Will falls.
“Is he up yet?”
“Shh.. the doctor says, he’ll be okay. But
that bump on his head will take a while to heal.”
“I guess we better make some more
coffee then.”
Will shot up on the lunge and screamed, “No! No
coffee! Don’t turn it on!” and without further
words Will got up and tossed the coffee maker
on the floor where it crashed into many pieces.
His fellow mates just stood in shook silence
watching their long time friend.
“The monster will not attack us every again!” Will
informed them. Then straightening his uniform
he headed out of the mess room.
“No more coffee for that guy!”
“Yeah, no kidding. Monster?”
“Must have hit his head too hard.”
Laughing the guys left the mess room leaving
the coffee flashing on…
Beep..
Beep..