YOUR HEALTH
‘ NO MAN IS AN ISLAND , NO MAN STANDS ALONE ’
Dr . Spencer Blalock , LCSW , BCD Contributing Columnist
If we take a few moments to look over our lives , it is likely that in the databank of our memories we will find thoughts about people in our lives that have had important influences in forming who we are . Besides our families of origin , our friends ( short-term , long-term , and in-between ) have been a major part in helping us find meaning in this life .
In a recent study by AARP ( 2018 ), it was found that 1 out of every 3 adults over 45 in the United States consider themselves as “ lonely .” Is loneliness that big of a deal ? Yes , it is .
Research shows that loneliness and isolation impacts mental health , physical health , a sense of wellbeing , and even impacts life expectancy , as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day . What is the solution for such a plight ? We have to muster the courage to reach outside of ourselves to invite others in to be with us .
An old poem by Joan Whitney and Alex Kramer states :
“ No Man Is An Island , No Man Stands Alone , Each man ’ s joy is joy to me , Each man ’ s grief is my own , We need one another , so I will defend , Each man as my brother , Each man as my friend .” This poem expresses the need for friends throughout life .
Have you seen the movie “ Bucket List ”? It ’ s the story of two men who are at different points in later life and find that they have a short time to live . In the crisis of coming to terms with this realization , they determine that if they really are facing the end , that they will come up with a “ bucket list ” ( a list of things that they want / need to do before they ‘ kick the bucket ’). Money was no limit and they traveled the world seeing the sights . Most of the things on the bucket list were related to visiting certain amazing locations or exciting activities .
However , there were several things that were on the list that were deeply meaningful . At one crucial moment in the movie , after scaling the pyramids in Egypt . Carter , one of the men , states the following , “ You know , the ancient Egyptians had a beautiful belief about death . When their souls got to the entrance to heaven the gods asked them two questions . Their answers determined whether they were admitted or not .” The first question is , “ Have you found joy in your life ?”, and the second question is , “ Has your life brought joy to others ?”
The questions that were just presented can be used throughout life to help us look at finding joy and giving joy . Truly , finding joy and giving joy is best done in relationship with others . What do we do to find friends , especially if we fear growing close and / or losing friends ? The pandemic has certainly impacted our connection to others , though it was not a cancellation of the human need for others . Consider the places that are within your reach to find friends . Is your religious community a place to go to start ? Could you start with putting yourself in a place where others will see you ? Often , we go into a place in our minds in which we feel bad because others don ’ t seek us out . The power is in our hands to reach out , not in the hands of others .
John O ’ Donohue wrote this excellent Irish blessing , “ To Come Home To Yourself – May all that is unforgiven in you be released . May your fears yield their deepest tranquilities . May all that is unlived in you blossom into a future graced with love .” May you see your value and find others who can mirror that to you . You are worth more than you know .
• Spencer Blalock , DHA , LCSW , BCD , is a clinical specialist with Senior Care – a service of Rush Health Systems . For more information , call 601-703-4917 or visit www . rushhealthsystems . org / seniorcare
Blalock www . meridianstar . com
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