              Customers don’t Really Understand Retail Workers A half-hour break will never actually feel like a half hour and it will seem like the shortest part of your day. However, during high-traffic times, a half hour will feel like Shoah. Depending on your state, you are supposed to get a fifteen-minute break for every four hours you work. It will almost never work out this way. This is technically illegal. You will forget almost every policy you learn in those annoying training videos and induction sessions because only a third of them will be actually enforced and the rest are common sense. On that note, common sense isn’t that common. You will understand this when you are forced to train new employees. You probably should not talk back to the customers, if you want to keep your job. However, if you do, make sure that your bosses think you are funny – or it makes you a great story when you’re unemployed. No matter how terrible your job is, your bosses will find a way to make it worse by selecting the most hideously unattractive uniform possible. Customer service is like being a bridesmaid/groom in a wedding – but without all the sex. You would think that the worst your job is, the more likely it is that you would want to leave work at work. However, truly terrible jobs can only be dealt with by endlessly complaining to everyone around you after work. Almost every retail or customer service job is The Office, and if you can’t figure out who the Dwight is, you are the Dwight. Bill Clinton claims to be able to sleep on four hours a night. You will never understand how that is possible until you have to work back-to-back doubles or have four weeks without a day off, and you still won’t know how you’re alive. The best thing about any terrible job will be the people that work with you – the ones who know what ‘bullshit’ it all is and vent with you during cigarette breaks. The second best thing about your job will be the discount, unless it’s one of those places that only give you 10% off. You should quit that position. A place that doesn’t value you enough to at least allow you to buy the articles you work to hock every day doesn’t deserve your egregiously underpaid labour. If you don’t smoke before you start working a customer service job, you will probably start. “A crying in the bathroom break” doesn’t have the same ring to it. Almost everyone you work with will have another job that they hated worse than this one, which will give them solace at the end of the day. They say, “It sucks, but it beats ________.” That blank is usually filled in by serving. I’ve never been a waiter, but it must be the next worst thing on Earth. Mystery sh oppers give retail workers trust issues for life. Are you undercover? Is this a test? Are you wearing a wire? Blink two times if you’re wearing a wire. Oh, God, I don’t even know what’s real anymore! dodie ste®eo p®odu©tion ™ Page 2 of 9