The Wykehamist
I’ m now a top-year, with A-Levels approaching, but I haven’ t any desire to give up the position just yet. One reason for this is that I simply don’ t know who could live up to the legacy that Taanvir and I have forged. He managed to get his own slot because that’ s what the editors thought would go down well, and it definitely did. I’ ve just carried that role on. The second reason is that I love doing this. Writing the Rants kills two birds with one stone: I achieve a sense of pleasure and satisfaction when I get this all down, and also, it’ s a source through which I can vent any of my frustrations that I might have. I do get stressed out at times – we all do – but this is where I can make my feelings known, tête-à-tête, to a wider audience, giving me a better shot at finding someone sympathetic to my feelings about a matter. One could call it propaganda. Given our readership and the way people have spoken to me after release date, I don’ t dispute that.
As for my thoughts on The Wykehamist, I am perfectly happy, in fact, fervently expecting to see an issue arranged and published in 2025. I’ m honestly slightly surprised that we haven’ t had one issue – one – over my time as a student here. Quelle has been the place for satirical writers to gather and make people chuckle. The Wykehamist and its formal, journalistic, approach have long been absent, and I believe that if people haven’ t got a style that is satirical and“ actually funny”( a quote we often use in our recruitment emails – take note, Wykehamist Editors!), then they’ ll be left out and won’ t have the opportunity to write worthwhile material like I’ ve had the privilege to do.
Quelle’ s editor, Anthony Kim( E, 2021-) has a belief that it is the yin to The Wykehamist’ s yang. It’ s just not right if one exists, but the other doesn’ t. The former is your standard, sensationalistic, crappy tabloid, which everyone reads but no-one takes seriously. The latter is the esteemed, respected broadsheet of record – it’ s been going since 1866! Anthony does have a valid point; I feel it’ s only right that we bring back this publication, and prevent it suffering any more spluttering stop-starts. If anything, it’ s just another source of good old comedy for the big Q …
The Wykehamist is something genuinely special in the history of England’ s oldest school, and it needs to be resuscitated. I have, as promised to the Editor, written this article to play my own part in this issue. You’ ll only see me as a guest writer in the acknowledgments section because Quelle’ s still my main hustle.
Nonetheless, if you have got to the end of this wall of text, I’ d like to thank you for reading what I’ ve had to say. I’ ve enjoyed taking a walk on the not-so-wild side. Now go and enjoy the rest of The Wykehamist.
Felix Edmondson( Coll:, 2020-)
A Brief History of Beer and its Production
Anton Oliver loves beer
The year is 2500 BC, and you sit in the mud-brick house which you made with your father as a child, watching aliens build the great pyramids. The air is thick with the earthy scent of fermenting grains and the tang of the wild yeasts which turn your bread juice into alcoholic delight. Bubbling away rhythmically in clay vessels the drink you make is mostly for your own enjoyment, though a part is also designated to be an offering to the gods. The recipe you use has been passed down to you through generations. By this point, the oldest recipes for beer-like alcoholic drinks are already
7 around 2500 years old – you are part of a rich and ongoing tradition.
The year is 1516 in the brewhouse of Winchester College, as you make the nutritious and safe, low-alcohol ale that the Collegemen drink. For the Collegemen, this ale makes up a substantial part of their diet, offering calories and refreshment. After all, meat and fish are expensive, and the school cannot afford them every day. You make your ale without the use of hops or gruit, though imports of a similar Dutch drink called beer are starting to influence your production. The advantage of the foreign import is that