The Whole You Issue 3, November 2016 | Page 19

Dear Julianne’s Joy, How do you deal with temper tantrums in older children? - Tantrums Dear Tantrums, Young children have tantrums when their emotions swing out of control and they don’t have the words to verbalize what they are feeling. In older children, tantrums are a habit. The relationship between you and your child is paramount. Everything happens in the context of relationship. Does your child know that you can be trusted? Does he or she feel safe to express any emotion and have it treated with respect and dignity, instead of minimizing it or saying, “Don’t be silly” when to your child the issue is important and serious? Seek first to understand and approve of your child’s feelings. Emotions are neither bad nor good; they are a dashboard warning system. If your child can talk with you about anything at all, and walk away feeling heard and cared for, tantrums will be a thing of the past. - Love, Julianne Dear Julianne’s Joy, I’ve been happily married for 17 years but whenever we go on a date night, his girlfriend (AKA his iPhone) joins us. He checks it when we are at dinner or a movie. How can I help him realize how infuriating it is that our one-onone time is never really just the two of us? - Jealous of an iPhone Dear Jealous, What you have described is all too common in today’s relationships. Bring a huge book with you on your next dinner date. As soon as the iPhone makes an appearance, pull out the book and hold it in front of your face. You might have to repeat this a few times for him to get the message. In my opinion, there is no excuse for checking your phone in a movie theatre. The whole point