bally sparring , cussing and fussing . Daily , every bit of life was slipping from me . All of the hurt and pain I experienced in my youth was now manifesting in my adult life . I decided to see a clinical therapist and she diagnosed me with depression . I declined to take anti-depressants because I was this , " Strong Black Woman .” But I did participate in therapy sessions . By the grace of God , it helped .
I knew I had to leave Kansas City . I was trapped , I was depressed , I was unhappy . I could move back home , but I didn ’ t want to move back to southeast Missouri and southern Illinois after living the city life . I also didn ’ t want to be another statistic — black , single mother . My flesh wanted to stay because of the material wealth , but my spirit
My deepest desire was to know the one and only
living God . I began a search to find this God that led me down a dangerous road to New Age religion . wanted to leave . In my spirit I knew my son ’ s father was sleeping with another woman , but I didn ' t have any proof . I just knew . One Friday in July , two years after moving to Kansas City , I received a package in the mail with pictures of my son ’ s father ’ s wedding . And I was not the bride . In addition to the photos I received a nice little hand-written note from the new bride that said they had been married for two weeks . I immediately made a call to my son ’ s father and asked him if he had gotten married because I had received his wedding pictures in the mail . His response : " Why did you open my mail ?" Enough said . I made the decision to leave everything I had and go home right that moment . I left all of my clothes , boots , shoes . I received the letter at 5:30 p . m . By 8:30 p . m . I was packed on my way home to southern Illinois . I had reached an all-time low and literally wanted to die . I was never suicidal ; I just wanted something to take me out . Can you imagine who I cried out to at this point ,? You got it . “ Jesus !” When I cried out to Jesus , I made a vow to never leave him again . I made a vow to always love him . I asked Him to forgive me . I started attending church with a new expectancy , a new hunger , a new thirst . I started to read the Word , dissect the Word , eat the Word and digest the Word . This time , I wanted to truly try Jesus . I wanted to know him for myself . Jesus restored our relationship , as if nothing happened . I started to develop a personal relationship with him , believing and trusting him . He became my Savior , my healer , my deliverer , my hope , my joy , my peace , my love , my everything . At this time in my life Jesus was the only one willing to give me what I longed for and that was unadulterated unconditional love , — the real thing . All my life I had chased after things that I thought were love or associated with love . All of my life I thought that I needed a man to live , to love , to survive , and to rescue me . Jesus healed me and delivered me from “ needing a man ” syndrome . I had no desire for sex , dating , marriage . My greatest desire was to know more about Jesus and to spend time with Jesus . I fell in love with Jesus and my life has not been the same . Yes , I still have down days and even seasons , but I don ’ t ever have to worry about anyone not loving me because I ’ ve found someone who always will .
He lives in me
Jesus cleaned me up and gave me a new start . I am a true testimony of His grace and mercy . My life has been transformed and it has never been the same . In 2008 I accepted my call to preach and teach the gospel and it is truly an honor . When I look in hindsight , I think about how Jesus spared my life . He could have taken me out when I decided to leave him , persecute him , and persuade others from him . I can identify with the apostle Paul . I also persecuted other believers and every chance I had I would try to persuade them to follow the New Age religion . One of my closest friends was a young preacher who was struggling in the ministry and I tried with all of my might to persuade him to turn his back on the gospel . There were many others that I tried to persuade . Sometimes I look at myself in disgust , wondering , “ Why , Jesus ? Why would you save me ?” But then I remember that ’ s the kind of God , the kind of Christ we serve . I believe without a shadow of doubt , I believe with every fiber of my being , I believe with my whole heart and I believe with my life that if you try Jesus and allow Him to enter your heart , your mind , and your soul , your life will be transformed forever . I have finally found the one and only living God and He lives in me .
Latasha Williamson is the first female minister to be licensed and ordained by the historic Washington Street Baptist Church in Paducah , Ky . in their 157 year history . She serves there as an Associate Minister and director of Women ’ s Ministry . She is the author of Woman 2 Woman : Your Purpose , Your Plan , Your Life in Jesus the Christ . For more about her ministry go to www . elohimwomenministries . com
Spring 2013 / The Well Magazine 7