compare in her reputation and power with a Sunday School teacher or church elder ? The church ’ s response is “ Hey , we ’ re going to take a big hit if we go after this father , elder , deacon . Let ’ s say this child lied or this is her spiritual problem .”
Here ’ s what ’ s really insidious . If you say someone broke into my house or stole my car , who says “ Are you sure you ’ re not lying ?” But if someone says “ My uncle or my stepfather abused me ,” which is very common , the leadership says we ’ re not sure we want to buy it because it ’ s going to cost us a lot . The child , especially if he or she is still in their developmental years , is afraid to “ out ” this leader because the family , community , and church could fall apart and they are going to feel guilty . They need an advocate . They need help . They need leaders in church who can help them . You are dealing with a child , someone who is still developing . They don ’ t know how to think about this . They think that it ’ s their fault or something they did or something they should just shut up about . Churches don ’ t have adequate policies to deal with this . There is not a robust legal , psychological , spiritual response to this . All churches need to make sure that they have policies in place . Let ’ s say you have a primary school teacher in a Christian school that finds out a student has been abused . They tell the supervisor and the supervisor tells the director . But the director says , “ I ’ m up for promotion ” or “ That ’ s my cousin . That ’ s my sister . That ’ s my brother .” People in the chain of authority say “ We can ’ t report this up the chain because we ’ re going to lose a lot of money , big reputation , donors , etc .” Meanwhile , who is thinking about the victim ? Church authorities should immediately go outside to civil authorities when an allegation of abuse occurs and then go back into the organization and investigate . We have to have a check and balance that is not depending on people in the chain itself . This should have been done generations ago . Part of the problem too , is victory theology . Victory theology is a simple message , a happy message , a resurrection message . But dealing with abuse is ugly . It ’ s messy . There ’ s no simple solution . Someone ’ s in trouble and maybe several people . It ’ s easier to preach : if you just pray this prayer , you ’ ll be healed from this . If you just go to this seminar , read this book . The church doesn ’ t want to do the hard homework — paying for counseling , listening and walking with their victims . The secular counseling community looks at the church and says you guys are out to lunch because you don ’ t want to admit the cancer we see all the time . They are saying we hear the horrible stories that your leaders are committing , don ’ t know how to handle or won ’ t handle . Therefore , there is mistrust between the counseling community and church .
The church has fallen asleep on this .
What has to happen for healing ? How can the body of Christ help victims ? Pastors need to start talking about this — regularly . Why do we pick and choose the sins we want to name ? When it is named in the church by the leadership , especially the pastor , then the victim doesn ’ t need to break the silence themselves . They can say , “ Thank you for that sermon . That ’ s my story . I need help .” It needs to be named . Biblical stories that address sexual violence need to be taught sensitively and carefully . These stories would include : Dinah ( Genesis 34 ), Joseph ( Genesis 39 ), Tamar ( 2 Samuel 13 ) the rape and killing of the Levite ’ s concubine ( Judges 19 ). In the New Testament , Paul calls out a man who is sleeping with his stepmother . That stuff is still going on but we ’ re not talking about it . It ’ s already in the Scripture . Biblical stories connect with contemporary stories . We need to have testimonies and written prayers . We need to have community responsive readings . We need to have stories
They need an advocate . They need help . They need leaders in the church who can help them .
told of people who were abused years ago when they were children who are now in their 30s , 40s , 50s and they ’ re limping but still walking with God . We need to have healing services for victims of rape , domestic violence and sexual abuse . We need to have anointing services asking God ’ s Spirit to overwhelm them in a healing way , asking Him to heal this person ’ s body and mind . Let ’ s pray for these people . Lay hands on them . Let them know that we are there for them that they are not alone . They are not isolated . I ’ ve heard of churches having a white rose up front in a vase and a sermon for abuse survivors saying this is how God views you : “ Virginity is given away , not taken away !” We have to say that we love you so much that we ’ re going to walk with you all the way into counseling and you ’ re going to get help . We have a fund set up for a minimum of six sessions of counseling where we want to help you . Do churches have books available or support groups for survivors ?
If we don ’ t address this , this cancer will be contagious . Many victims go on to abuse their own children . We need to create a new vocabulary in the church . We need to talk about this . I ’ m not talking about smearing people . But healing is possible . But it is a journey .
CONTINUED ON PAGE 29 Spring 2013 / The Well Magazine 21