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Daddy Void
ally abandoned and left by her dad. That little girl made a
promise that no one would ever make her feel alone or not
good enough again. That little girl blamed herself for making
her daddy leave. She decided back then that from then on, she
would do the leaving. She would be in control. It was a strong
promise, a vow that I kept for many years and unfortunately
many people that I cared about, especially my husband, got the
bad end of that promise.
While my husband and I had plenty of things to work on in
our marriage and several obstacles to climb as a couple, it wasn’t until our individual needs and voids were addressed that we
started to make some headway. I praise God for wise counsel.
It was nothing but God through the help and guidance from
our biblical counselor that I was able to see that the rejection
that I experienced as a child was the leading force throughout
most of my adult life. I had been saved and living for the Lord
for many years by then, but I really never experienced the joy
and the freedom that He wanted me to experience. When I
identified the triggers and dealt with the emotions that came
along with them, I was able to finally allow Him to fill the
earthly daddy void with spiritual fullness.
Once I took the pressure off my husband to be everything
that I thought my father was not, then and only then did my
marriage heal. Then I could accept my husband for who he was
and respect and love him as I should. The chains of the daddy
void were gone and it was evident in what blossomed in me as
a wife, a mother and as just me--Rhonda.
Maybe you have found yourself in the predicament of the
daddy void. Maybe you didn’t know your dad at all or maybe
he was around but not enough. Perhaps he abused you or your
mother in some way. Whatever the case, you can make the
transition from void into fullness, but it starts with you.
Acknowledge
You must recognize the effect of your father’s absence and
accept personal responsibility. I believe that parents are responsible for their children's emotional welfare, but it was not
until I was forced to look at my own issues, that I realized that
I was the problem. Yes. I had experienced pain and hurt. Yes.
I was an innocent victim of my parent's divorce and my father’s separation emotionally from me. But the problem was
inside of me. I allowed those experiences to be justification
for reacting in explosive and unhealthy ways to crises.
Secondly, we are not as effective as women because of poor
relationships with our fathers.
Fatherless women often were once girls who said, I didn't
have my dad loving me, so no one loves me. I need a man to
affirm me and I am afraid no one will, so I will make myself
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The Well Magazine Fall/Winter 2013
attractive to somebody, anybody in order to not feel afraid that I am
not good enough for love. This is how unhealthy lifestyles in young
girls manifest. I am not suggesting that every girl who makes life
damaging choices has a daddy void. I realize that there are many
roads that can lead down a path of demise. But I am suggesting that
we look deeply into the lives of young ladies and pinpoint where
destructive patterns set up and determine if there is a link to an
absent or dysfunctional dad relationship.
Accept
No void in life can be filled unless it accepts the substance that is
required to fill it up. You must position yourself to accept God’s
love and believe in His power. Take a moment and think about
your relationship with your dad. Then think about your relationship
with God. Are they similar? Do you trust God the same way you
trust your earthly dad? If that is even remotely true, you must know
today that God has the ability to equip us regardless of our void.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or
think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church
and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
(Ephesians 3:20, 21 ESV)
As women, we have to believe in the power of God to change our
lives and our position in life more than we believe in our own
power to change our lives and positions. Haven't you been doing it
your way long enough? And in the famous words of Dr. Phil,
“How's that working for you?"
Act
God wants to equip us. He wants us to live free of every void and
trap that the Enemy has set in our path but, it requires us to do
something first. We have to make the decision to rest in Him and
His word. God waits for us. He waits for us, so what are you waiting on?
He equips us if we live in a state of forgiveness, love unconditionally, seek Him relentlessly, and allow our fruit to be eaten. This is a
continuous cycle:
Forgiveness
Allow your
fruit
to be eaten
Unconditional
love
Seek Him
relentlessly