THE ANGRY LARY
Feeling those everyday frustrations get the
better of you? Need to get something off
your chest before you explode? Well this is
the place to do it. It’s our soapbox section
– our chance to have a bit of a rant. It’s all
in good spirits though. We’re not looking
to change the world – just draw attention
to those bits of the world that don’t quite
make sense!
This month, our angry lary wants to talk
about talking
Talk to the hand!
I’m a pretty well-adjusted person. Or at
least I like to think so. I’ve had to cope
with quite a bit of the bad stuff in my life,
but I’ve been blessed with a wonderful
family, and all in all, laryngectomy
notwithstanding, I have a pretty good life.
But if there’s one thing that gets me
hot under the collar and riled up so far I
don’t know how to come down, it’s this
– people who don’t talk to me, but talk
to my wife or whoever I’m with. It drives
me crazy. And when it drives me crazy, I
drive my wife crazy and everyone else I
meet – and then it just manages to spoil
everyone’s day.
Now, I’ll admit, I’m not going to win any
prizes for public speaking, but I get by.
Most people (if they’re prepared to really
listen) can get the gist of what I’m saying.
So why is it that if I’m in a shop and I ask
for some pork chops, the shop assistant
26 THE VOICE | Autumn 2011
starts getting all flustered and directs
questions to my wife?
Suddenly I’m left to one side while
everything goes on around me. It’s
farcical. Bless her, my wife tries to help. So
she turns to me and pointedly asks me
how many I’d like. Then I stare back at the
shop assistant and tell her we’ll have four
please. That doesn’t help. She goes right
back to my wife and asks her how thick
we want them and so it goes on – a mad
triangle of conversation over something
as simple as chops!
“Stuff the chops” I feel like saying as I
storm off. But I know my wife will just say
“Stuff them? I was going to grill them!”
This kind of thing happens all the time.
Nine times out of ten, when we’re in a
restaurant, the waiter or waitress checks
everything I say with my wife as if she’s
got to give her assent to everything I eat
and drink. I want to scream. Fortunately
for all, I can’t. Believe me, I’ve tried – it’s
quite an impressive noise, but it doesn’t
really help me vent my feelings!
When I’m on my own of course, there
isn’t anyone for them to turn to – and,
provided they engage their ears and
disengage their mouth for a bit, we
usually get along just fine! So it’s not that
people can’t understand me or can’t talk
to me, it’s just that, for whatever reason,
they won’t.