tvc . dsj . org | March 6 , 2018 COMMENTARY 15 Celibacy Revisited
By Rev . Ron Rolheiser , OMI
Theologian , teacher , award-winning author , and President of the Oblate
School of Theology in San Antonio , TX
Writing in the first person is always a risk , but the subject matter of this column is best done , I feel , through personal testimony . In a world where chastity and celibacy are seen as naïve and to be pitied and where there ’ s a general skepticism that anyone is actually living them out , personal testimony is perhaps the most effective protest .
What ’ s to be said for celibacy and chastity , whether these are lived out in a vowed religious context or are simply the given situation of anyone who is going through life celibate ? Here ’ s my story :
At the age of seventeen , I made the decision to become a priest and enter a religious order , the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate . That decision involved committing myself to celibacy for life . Strange as this may sound , since I was only seventeen , I didn ’ t make that decision naively or out of some passing fancy . I intuited pretty accurately the cost , so much so that virtually everything inside me strongly resisted the call . Anything but that ! While I was drawn to ministry the accompanying vow of celibacy was a massive stumbling block . I didn ’ t want to live as a celibate . Who does ? Indeed nobody should . But the inner call was so strong that , despite its downside , when I finished high school I gave a reluctant but solid assent and entered a religious congregation . Now , looking back on it more than fifty years later , I see it still as the purest , most unselfish decision I ’ ve ever made .
I ’ ve been in religious life now for more than fifty years and have served as a priest for more than fortyfive of those years and , all told , celibacy has served me well , just as I can honestly say that I have served it in
essential fidelity . Celibacy has its upside : Beyond the inner work it forced me to do in terms of my relationship to God , to others , and to myself ( often painful work done in restlessness and prayer and on occasion with the help of a counsellor ) celibacy also afforded me a privileged availability for the ministry . If you move through this life as a priest and missionary , celibacy can be a friend .
“ There were some rough times , all of my classmates left the ministry and I had my temptations too . But I stayed and , now , looking back , I am pretty happy with the way my life turned out .”
But it isn ’ t always a friend . For me , celibacy has always been the hardest struggle within religious life and ministry , a habitual emotional crucifixion , as it should be . There have been seasons – days , weeks , months , and sometimes many months – when most everything inside of me screamed against it , when because of falling in love , or dealing with an obsession , or dealing with the one-sided energy within a male congregation , or when I was overcome with the fact I will never have children , or , when the simple , raw physical and emotional power of sexuality left me restless and frustrated enough that the man inside of me wanted to take back what the priest inside of me had once vowed . Celibacy will have you sweating blood in the Garden of Gethsemane sometimes . It goes against some of the deepest , innate , God-given instincts and energies within you and so it doesn ’ t allow itself to be dealt with lightly .
That being said though , something else also needs to be said , something too little understood today : Celibacy can also be very generative because sexuality is about more than having sex . Just before creating the sexes , God said : It is not good for the man to be alone ! That ’ s true for every person who will ever walk this earth . Sexuality is given to us to take us beyond our aloneness ; but many things do that for us and full sexual intimacy is only one of them .
Perhaps the single , biggest misunderstanding about sex today is the belief that deep friendship , warm companionship , faith community , and nongenital forms of intimacy are only a substitute , some second-best compensation , for sex rather than a rich , generative modality of sex itself . These aren ’ t a consolation prize for missing the real thing . They are , just as is having sex , one rich aspect of the real thing .
Recently , I phoned a priest on the 60 th anniversary of his ordination . Eighty-five years old now , he had this to say : “ There were some rough times , all of my classmates left the ministry and I had my temptations too . But I stayed and , now , looking back , I am pretty happy with the way my life turned out .”
Looking back on own life and my commitment to celibacy I can say something similar . Celibacy has made for some tough seasons and remains , as Merton once put it , the deep anguish within chastity . But celibacy has also provided me with a life rich in friendship , rich in community , rich in companionship , rich in family of every kind , and rich in opportunity to be present to others . I will die without children , my life , like everyone ’ s , an incomplete , never-fullyconsummate symphony . But looking back on it all , I ’ m pretty happy with the way it turned out . Celibacy can be a very life-giving way of being sexual , of creating family , and of being happy .
By Gregory Kepferle
CEO , Catholic Charities of Santa Clara County and President , Charities Housing Development Corporation
A group of generous supporters of Catholic Charities called the Caritas Society gathers in a friend ’ s home to learn more about the good work being done on their behalf and to encourage other friends to join their efforts . The friendly chitchat quiets as Bishop McGrath speaks . “ You know when you get to the Pearly Gates , Saint Peter is not going to ask how many times you went to Mass or did you keep all of the Ten Commandments . Instead he will ask , ‘ Did you feed the hungry ? Did you shelter the homeless ? Did you visit the sick and imprisoned ? Did you welcome the stranger away from home ? Did you care for the least of these ?’ ” The Bishop adds mischievously , “ Now don ’ t tell your pastor I said you don ’ t need to go to church ! Of course we need to keep the Commandments . But the greatest commandment is this – to love God with all your heart , all your might and all your soul , and to love your neighbor as yourself .”
What ’ s the Path to the Pearly Gates ?
Christ calls us to help first our neighbors most in need , those who are poor or in any way suffering . And one way we as a Church care for them is by supporting the work of Catholic Charities – feeding the hungry , housing the homeless , healing the sick , visiting the imprisoned , and welcoming the stranger . The Bishop reminds us that we can ’ t do everything , but what we can do , let ’ s do very well .
Our pastors are asking for more help addressing the challenges many parishioners are facing : homelessness and the lack of affordable housing , immigration concerns , the needs of seniors , and the need for more emergency assistance for families struggling to make ends meet . Catholic Charities is committed to responding to these needs by developing a Good Samaritan Fund that can respond flexibly to needs not addressed by government funding and by creating a Safety Net Impact strategy to alleviate the conditions of chronic poverty for people without homes , isolated seniors , families suffering from hunger , people with mental illness and physical disabilities , and others requiring an urgent response to help them through a crisis .
Catholic Charities continues to provide a “ hand up ” to help people through education and job placement . But given the urgent housing crisis , we need to partner more with parishes , community groups and others to address growing homelessness and the high cost of housing . By offering a new House Sharing platform , Catholic Charities is able to match people who need a roommate to help pay the rent or a mortgage with those who need an affordable place to stay while they work to make ends meet . While not the complete solution to affordable housing , it helps people stay in their own homes with a source of income , while enabling others struggling with the high cost of rent to have a stable place to live . This is just one simple way we can help our brothers and sisters in need .
For more information on the Caritas Society , on House Sharing , and how you can help our neighbors in need go to www . CatholicCharitiesSCC . org .