The Student Midwife Summer Issue, Volume One | Page 12

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are open to really experiencing and
feeling what those around them may be
feeling. They seek connection and
understanding. As you can expect, they
“search and find” those in need, easily.

2. Build Trust

Have you ever had a friend tell you a deep
dark secret, or look to you for advice
about a choice they are considering
making? Of course, we all have.
Consider, though, the events that led up
to that moment. Months, perhaps years of
friendship-building probably took place
before your friend felt comfortable
opening up to you. The same goes for
someone in need of help. Most of us
won’t ask a stranger for help, we won’t
even ask an acquaintance or a new friend,
generally. But exposure after exposure to
a friend who displays that they are
dependable, kind, loving, open and
empathetic, is the perfect recipe for
building trust. Show your friends that
they can depend on you. Be reliable.
Show up. You’ll find those who truly
need help will reach out when they feel
safe with you.

3. Who’s not asking?

Who’s not asking, but should be? I’ve
witnessed, several times, people revere

someone because they are seemingly
stronger than the rest of us. Phrases like,
“I don’t know how she does it” and “I
could never go through what she’s had to
go through” get thrown around a lot when
discussing people who are going through
periods in life that seem like they
wouldn’t be doable for the rest of us. The
truth is, it’s not that people who
experience hard things are superhuman.
It’s that we humans are strong and
resilient and hopeful. We carry on, when
we feel we are breaking, because we hope
for better days. If you notice someone
who is going through a soul-crushing
experience in life, don’t assume that she’s
just fine because she’s dressed and her
hair is done. Chances are she fought to
get out of her bed this morning and you
can make a huge difference in her life.

4. Check-In

I had a woman, twenty-years my junior,
ask me one day if I was doing ok, if I was
taking care of myself. We had begun a
friendship, but the relationship was
largely professional still. I asked her later
what had compelled her to ask. She
replied, “...I was at a place that day
where I could ask it. I had been very
nurturing of myself. ...I did a lot of
listening and observing and watching… I
noticed that you seemed to need