The Soultown! Volume IV: Issue 1 JANUARY 2020 | Page 25

Big Q! Reconsider Your New Year’s Resolution Dear Big Q, The communication between my significant other and I has changed. He has resorted to texting and I have not heard his voice in weeks, but he assures me -- via text -- that he is still committed to our relationship. I realize you may think the answer is obvious, but Big Q, he is still texting. I guess I’m seeking advice from a male’s perspective: what causes this or the possible reasons that his behavior has changed? I guess I’m curious about what Queen Gabby thinks too. ~ In a Complicated State of Mind Dear In a Complicated State of Mind, Let me just keep it real with you: Something is not right if a person that you are in a relationship with is not having verbal communication with you. It does not make sense that he is only reaching out to you via text messages. Let me be very clear by saying that this doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is over with this man, but something is definitely wrong. There is no way that I can tell you why his behavior has changed, but what I can tell you is that you need to set up a time that you and him can sit down and talk so he can address all your unanswered questions and concerns. The bottom line is that he is the only one who can explain his behavior and let you know what he truly wants from you. Hopefully everything will work out for you, sweetheart. Good Luck. ~ Big Q Big Q, FYI, I’m asking Queen Gabby too. A new decade is here and of course a new year. I’d like to make some changes to how I communicate with my friends and my significant other. I guess I’ll call this a resolution. I plan to not answer questions or requests immediately. I’d like to take a day, 24 hours to respond. I believe this will prevent me from signing up for tasks I do not have the time for, as well as allowing me enough time to look at my schedule and determining if I want to engage in the request. When I shared this resolution with my man, he agreed with me. Once I told him it would apply to him too, he changed his mind and called me a Diva. How can I convince him that this year my goal is to take care of me first and this is how I plan to do it without turning this into a serious disagreement? ~ Brand New Me Dear Brand New Me, Do you expect your boyfriend to honor this resolution that you have come up with? If I was your boyfriend I would have shut this idea down immediately. I’m not sure what he meant by calling you a diva, but in my eyes, I think you are being inconsiderate and selfish to a certain extent. The reason why I say this is because you plan on putting yourself first at all times without considering the needs of your friends or man. If the shoe was on the other foot you would not want to wait 24 hours for your close friends or family to address questions or requests that you may have. First, let’s break down what you are trying to accomplish. You stated that this resolution is aimed at your friends and your boyfriend. Next, you stated that you will not answer any questions or requests from your friends or boyfriend for 24 hours until you think about it. The reasoning for this strategy is to make sure you have time or figure out if you even want to do it at all. After repeating what you just said I’m going to have to agree with your guy. How can you have the audacity to think that your friends and man should have to wait 24 hours before you can give them an answer to a question or request. That’s not the way I treat any of my friends or anybody that I have ever dated, so I don’t agree with you or condone this type of resolution. I understand that sometimes you might need to check your schedule or give some thought about whether you want to be involved in certain activities, but that’s taking it too far Ms. Lady. I also understand that you want to set new goals to put yourself first, but don’t let those goals push away the people that are most important in your life. Hopefully, you will reconsider your new year’s resolution and give it a little more thought before you move forward. There has to be other alternatives or resolutions that offer more of a balance between you and your loved ones. Good Luck Ms. Lady. ~ Big Q Big Q, I am a single, attractive Black woman with a couple of male friends. I’d like to be honest BIG Q Male Advice Columnist ----------------------------------------------- Learn more about Big Q’s advice at thesoultown.com Email Me: [email protected] with them and tell them about one another, but I do not want to lose either. What I want is the freedom to be honest with both of them -- without judgment -- and enjoy what we have in our intimate friendships. Do you think I have an unreasonable request? I’ll ask Queen Gabby too. ~ Open & Honest Dear Open & Honest, Well good for you Ms. Open & Honest. Why not keep it real and let them both know what is going on in the situation? Like you mentioned in your question, in doing this you may take a risk of losing one or maybe even both of them, but if you care about them you will do the right thing and be truthful. Isn’t that what women always tell men? Overall this is not an unreasonable request, but at the same time, it’s not the most common request either. If these men are truly into you they will not want to share you with any other man. If they don’t care about sharing you, then that may let you know how strong your connection is with these individuals. So to sum everything up, this move can be both harmful and beneficial. It can be harmful because you may lose one or both of these men during this process and it can be beneficial because both men will most likely reveal their true feelings for you. Either way, what’s meant to happen shall happen. Good Luck Ms. Open & Honest. You ain’t nothing nice, baby girl. ~ Big Q , Jan. 2020 • Immortalizing Our Stories to Implore Positive Progress In Our Communities • thesoultown.com 25