The Soultown! Volume IV: Issue 1 JANUARY 2020 | Page 25
Big Q!
Reconsider Your New Year’s Resolution
Dear Big Q,
The communication between my significant
other and I has changed. He has resorted to
texting and I have not heard his voice in weeks,
but he assures me -- via text -- that he is still
committed to our relationship. I realize you may
think the answer is obvious, but Big Q, he is still
texting. I guess I’m seeking advice from a male’s
perspective: what causes this or the possible
reasons that his behavior has changed? I guess
I’m curious about what Queen Gabby thinks too.
~ In a Complicated State of Mind
Dear In a Complicated State of Mind,
Let me just keep it real with you: Something is not
right if a person that you are in a relationship with
is not having verbal communication with you. It
does not make sense that he is only reaching out
to you via text messages. Let me be very clear by
saying that this doesn’t necessarily mean that your
relationship is over with this man, but something
is definitely wrong. There is no way that I can tell
you why his behavior has changed, but what I can
tell you is that you need to set up a time that you
and him can sit down and talk so he can address
all your unanswered questions and concerns. The
bottom line is that he is the only one who can explain
his behavior and let you know what he truly wants
from you. Hopefully everything will work out for you,
sweetheart. Good Luck.
~ Big Q
Big Q,
FYI, I’m asking Queen Gabby too. A new decade
is here and of course a new year. I’d like to make
some changes to how I communicate with my
friends and my significant other. I guess I’ll call
this a resolution. I plan to not answer questions
or requests immediately. I’d like to take a day, 24
hours to respond. I believe this will prevent me
from signing up for tasks I do not have the time
for, as well as allowing me enough time to look at
my schedule and determining if I want to engage
in the request. When I shared this resolution with
my man, he agreed with me. Once I told him it
would apply to him too, he changed his mind and
called me a Diva. How can I convince him that
this year my goal is to take care of me first and
this is how I plan to do it without turning this into
a serious disagreement?
~ Brand New Me
Dear Brand New Me,
Do you expect your boyfriend to honor this resolution
that you have come up with? If I was your boyfriend
I would have shut this idea down immediately. I’m
not sure what he meant by calling you a diva, but
in my eyes, I think you are being inconsiderate and
selfish to a certain extent. The reason why I say this
is because you plan on putting yourself first at all
times without considering the needs of your friends
or man. If the shoe was on the other foot you would
not want to wait 24 hours for your close friends or
family to address questions or requests that you may
have. First, let’s break down what you are trying to
accomplish. You stated that this resolution is aimed
at your friends and your boyfriend. Next, you stated
that you will not answer any questions or requests
from your friends or boyfriend for 24 hours until you
think about it. The reasoning for this strategy is to
make sure you have time or figure out if you even
want to do it at all. After repeating what you just said
I’m going to have to agree with your guy. How can
you have the audacity to think that your friends and
man should have to wait 24 hours before you can
give them an answer to a question or request. That’s
not the way I treat any of my friends or anybody that I
have ever dated, so I don’t agree with you or condone
this type of resolution. I understand that sometimes
you might need to check your schedule or give some
thought about whether you want to be involved in
certain activities, but that’s taking it too far Ms. Lady. I
also understand that you want to set new goals to put
yourself first, but don’t let those goals push away the
people that are most important in your life. Hopefully,
you will reconsider your new year’s resolution and
give it a little more thought before you move forward.
There has to be other alternatives or resolutions that
offer more of a balance between you and your loved
ones. Good Luck Ms. Lady.
~ Big Q
Big Q,
I am a single, attractive Black woman with a
couple of male friends. I’d like to be honest
BIG Q
Male Advice Columnist
-----------------------------------------------
Learn more about Big Q’s advice at
thesoultown.com
Email Me: [email protected]
with them and tell them about one another,
but I do not want to lose either. What I want is
the freedom to be honest with both of them --
without judgment -- and enjoy what we have in
our intimate friendships. Do you think I have an
unreasonable request? I’ll ask Queen Gabby too.
~ Open & Honest
Dear Open & Honest,
Well good for you Ms. Open & Honest. Why not keep
it real and let them both know what is going on in
the situation? Like you mentioned in your question,
in doing this you may take a risk of losing one or
maybe even both of them, but if you care about them
you will do the right thing and be truthful. Isn’t that
what women always tell men? Overall this is not an
unreasonable request, but at the same time, it’s not
the most common request either. If these men are
truly into you they will not want to share you with any
other man. If they don’t care about sharing you, then
that may let you know how strong your connection is
with these individuals. So to sum everything up, this
move can be both harmful and beneficial. It can be
harmful because you may lose one or both of these
men during this process and it can be beneficial
because both men will most likely reveal their true
feelings for you. Either way, what’s meant to happen
shall happen. Good Luck Ms. Open & Honest. You
ain’t nothing nice, baby girl.
~ Big Q ,
Jan. 2020 • Immortalizing Our Stories to Implore Positive Progress In Our Communities • thesoultown.com
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