8
Warren, Z.
Original Research
The first direct mind to mind interaction
After last issue’s rather ambitious preliminary investigation into the very nature of reality (Warren, 2015), the SJIS finds itself short of funding. I’d hoped that such radical, cutting-edge science would draw in funding bodies and investors like health-conscious people to SJIS soda. Sadly, this wasn’t the case.
We did receive thousands upon thousands of PhD applications; however, due to our current lack of funding, we’re unable to accept anyone except the supreme editor-in-chief’s nephew.
As I’d used most of the SJIS’s funds for the year in that one experiment (and my other research has tended to incur large costs), I’ve been confined to my office/the caretaker’s cupboard. No matter how many methods I attempt, I’ve yet to figure out a way to break the quantum lock the supreme editor-in-chief installed on the door. There are also no windows and the vents are too small for even a team of trained rats to infiltrate. Meals have been delivered irregularly at best, so I’ve had to supplement my diet with a team of trained rats.
While I wait for my latest escape attempt to produce results (a contra-frequential plasma beam set to a high-powered coherent state… whatever that means), I figured that I might as well give the supreme editor-in-chief what he wants: revolutionary, but cheap, scientific discoveries.
I’ve made huge contributions to the big three pillars of science: physics, chemistry and biology. However, it turns out there are a whole host of minor fields derived from those three. Randomly flicking through an old encyclopaedia, I discover something in the pseudo-science section that looks promising. Apparently, the study of the mind is known as psychology that, it is claimed, is distinct from psychic-ery (which has been well and truly debunked in previous issues). Well, I’ve got some time to waste so I might as well give it a go.
Introduction
Ever since there have been humans, people have longed to be understood (Warren, 2015). First they developed language, and then invented conversations (Warren, 2015). Soon writing was invented, which spread around the world in the form of post (Warren, 2015). Electricity brought with it the telegram and telephone, soon followed by the mobile phone, camera phone and, most recently, the smart phone (Warren, 2015). With computers and the internet we have emails, instant messaging and, most horrifyingly, the video message (Warren, 2015). All these forms of communication have brought us closer to that ultimate goal of understanding, however these are all small, even superficial, steps. This investigation seeks to develop a true method of true mind to mind communication and so facilitate real, tangible understanding.
Methodology
Using what little equipment available in the office/caretaker’s cupboard, a mental interface was created for the operator. This was built out of two brooms, a mop, cleaning products (used as coolant), encephalograph, high-powered transducer, and a level 2 supercomputer.
The working hypothesis for this invention was that the mind is a product of its hardware (cells, chemistry, etc.) and software (thoughts, feelings, etc.). Like all computers, software that can communicate with both operating systems is required to link them. See figure 1 for details.
brachiation?
Here we present a rare example of a 'rebranding' of an existing scientific term. Much like species can be renamed once further study deems their latin name to be incorrect or inappropriate, a scientific term can be amended. Gibbons and similar primates move through and between trees using only their arms, in a rapid swinging motion. This word, coined in 1825 in Italy, is obviously an overlooked spelling error and is hereby amended as branchiation.
etymology