correspondence
10
Dr Naomi hyland
Scientist in the Spotlight
Hello Dr Hyland, thanks for your time. To start, what is your full title and what is your specialist field?
Hello Philip. My full title is Dr Naomi ihavenoimaginationbutlikelobsters Hyland. I specialise in lobsters, dredging and bicycles.
3 years ago, in SJIS III(1), you published a ground-breaking article entitled ‘I like lobsters’. Care to elaborate?
Yes. This was my initial work, it was groundbreaking, as previously I had not realised that I liked lobsters so much until I got up close and personal with twenty of the young things. We all got along so well and spent so much time together. Since leaving my lobster friends, two more girls have fallen for the lobstery charm... the three of us will occasionally meet and catch up on the lobster gossip that’s going down in the watery world.
Many readers will be fascinated to know why you gave up proper science in order to pursue 'marine policy'?
Would they? Well I was just so enthralled by marine policy and knew that it was my true love so just HAD to spend a year of my life studying it. OK maybe not, I just thought it may help me get a job... little did I know that I would make such wonderful lobstery friends, they have definitely changed my life since meeting them (mainly because I got a job)!
Forgive me, but what's the point of letting lobsters escape after we've already caught them?
Otherwise the big ones will eat the small ones when they get caught in the same pot. The small ones cant be sold by fishermen, so they'd be thrown overboard anyway. For some reason the average size of landable lobsters caught in pots with escape hatches is higher than the average size of landable lobsters caught in pots without escape gaps! The UK has a long way to go in sustainable fisheries management!
Dear Frank,
No amount of research, understanding, open mindedness, or receptiveness to your ad hominem fallacies will make homeopathy any less ridiculous. Sorry.
Dear SJIS
I am a proud homeopathic practitioner and I am frankly appalled that you would be so openly insulting to my work in a public document. Maybe next time you will take a moment to research and understand a subject before opening your stupid fat mouth.
Frank
Dear SJIS
Inspired by your great works, I built a gravitonic interferometer with a fusion power cell for show-and-tell at my school. However, my teacher thought it was a harmonic destabiliser with fission core and called the police and nuclear standards authority. How am I supposed to practice science with idiots like that in the world?
Sally
Dear Sally,
We, too, have suffered at the hands of the uneducated and fearful. To battle such prejudice, we created the SJIS to inspire others to science. We suggest you try to educate your teacher and introduce them to the SJIS. Hopefully they will then leave you to work in peace.