correspondence
17
This is in-fact something I developed using the space dimension controls of my time machine. I’ll show it to you one day. It’s bigger on the inside than it is out… and so am I! It has enabled me to condense a brain the size of a small tank into the space of my head. It also explains how I can eat whatever the hell I like and maintain this perfect physique!
What are you currently working on, and how is it at the cutting edge of scientific discovery?
As you’re about to tell me (I know, I have foreseen it), there are few things left to understand in Science. The last frontier is the oceans, and we all know Marine Biology is the most challenging of fields and contains some of our few remaining questions about our planet. It is these areas I am currently addressing. Most importantly, the contribution of parrotfish to carbonate cycling on coral reefs.
What are you hoping to work on in the future?
The future. It’s the future! See my answer to question 8, which I answered before this one while I was in the future.
Apart from Science, what do you get up to in your spare time?
There’s a life outside Science???
In light of the extraordinary discoveries made by the SJIS in its short history, many are saying that there isn’t anything left to discover. What do you say to this, and how are you still in a job?
Indeed, we are in a dire situation where competition for funding is becoming increasingly fierce to discover what little there is left to know. In my recent successful grant application, I proposed we look to the problems of the future, discover where we make mistakes, return to the present to correct our wrong doings, and then go back to the future to live in the perfect world we will inevitably create through ground-breaking developments brought about by the research of SJIS Scientists…
I was of course talking complete bollocks and we know how to do most of this already! But the suckers believed it and a guy’s gotta make a living!
Dear SJIS
I can't get enough of the SJIS! You do so much incredible science it's nearly overwhelming.
I'm writing to you because I have a secret desire that I want to share with the world as I don't know how to act on it. I dream of becoming a scientist, but it seems such a far-fetched idea for someone such as me. Please help!
Susie.
Dear Susie,
Thank you for you kind and accurate words regarding the SJIS. Many people feel like you once they have read the work of our dedicated scientists.
Have no fear - despite popular opinion, and historical precedence, you don't have to be born into the establishment these days to be a scientist. Whatever income level, gender, race, age or species you belong to, you too can be a scientist. You just have to work hard, use the scientific method and submit your work to the SJIS.
Dear SJIS
How will you continue to regularly publish the greatest works of science when time itself ceases to be?
Steven H.
Dear Steven,
We reject the premise of this question: the SJIS isn't published regularly.