We remained in orbit above the Earth for a few hours but it remained intact. We decided to jump forward a billion years to make sure the planet’s development was normal after all our tampering. Reality shifted around the Conscientia once more and we were gone in a blaze of scintillating light.
Part 4
The Conscientia materialised above the Earth a billion years after it disappeared from orbit. This time jump was much smoother than the first even without the specialist capacitor balancing the temporal flux. It turned out the huge power outputs demanded by both the waffle iron and SJIS soda machine were the cause of such disruption anyway. My pilot Henry took command of the bridge as the airship orbited the planet and the crew scanned it to make sure it was progressing as normal. I retired to my office to rest and write up the reports for that most eminent journal.
As I began writing part 3 my office door was flung open by my insufferable secretary Holly. Fury filled her making her face as red as her hair.
“You idiot!” she screeched “I can’t believe you left it there! Don’t you know I need it?”
“What are you on about now?” I asked.
“The SJIS soda machine, of course!”
“We needed it to stabilise the Earth! Or did you want to spend the rest of your lamentable life floating around space on this dirigible?”
She scowled at me but her eyes began filling with tears. I suddenly felt a most peculiar sensation: sympathy. I didn’t know I could feel anything but disgust for this vile creature but there it was. I gave her the mostly empty can of SJIS soda that I’d put in my inventory after using most of the contents to make paradox papier-mâché. She took it without words and gratefully took a swig. The tears dried from her eyes and a content smile spread about her face. She chucked it across the room and left my office.
It was then that I noticed that it was covered in paradox papier-mâché and the dregs of soda had paradox powder floating about within it. I stored the empty can in my inventory and my dog Darwin licked up the drops of paradox powder infused soda from my carpet. I started to ponder on what affect such a substance might have on a living organism but was interrupted by Henry summoning me to the bridge. When I arrived the crew looked pleased.
“Some good news for once, sir,” said Henry “The readings we’re getting from the planet are what we would expect for this time. Would you like us to go down to the surface and search for any signs of life developing?”
I answered in the affirmative and the dirigible began its descent. On the way down I readied myself in my EVA suit and collected a range of sensors to take with me. When we arrived I took a couple of the crew with me and walked out across the barren Earth. We reached the shore of a shallow body of water, which was surrounded by sulphurous vents. We decided to split up and began probing for any life at all.
After half an hour I sat down on a boulder for a rest. Feeling peckish, I thought now would be a good time to have that slice of brie I’d been saving in my inventory for a special occasion. I took a deep breath, removed my helmet, bit into the brie and quickly reattached my helmet. I breathed in the fresh air that flooded my helmet and enjoyed the fine brie. I repeated this process several times until I’d eaten the whole slice. Looking down at the sensor that I’d put on a rock beside me, I noticed that all the lights were flickering green. On closer inspection it showed that in front of me were a whole host of cells.
I then conducted a thorough survey of the boulder I’d sat on and the surrounding area. Its detailed analysis programs revealed that the cells were human and most likely a match to my own DNA. I thought about how