I replaced the phone and returned to my guest.
“I’m sorry about her. She just loves that cool, refreshing beverage anyone would be crazy to ignore. It’s been scientifically proven and contains all non-essential amino acids, as well as a suite of regular acids, to help the everyday person make it through the working day.” I said, not at all bowing to commercial pressures.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ve met all sorts on my travels,” said Vince.
“Can you give us a few examples of those you’ve come into contact with?”
“Yes, my favourite people have got to be the early tribes of the Americas. Sitting round the campfire you really start to believe the tales they weave. I remember this one about the yeti…”
I couldn’t help but stop listening as he incessantly yakked on and on about his travels. Fortunately I was saved, much to my chagrin, by Holly bringing in the sandwiches I’d ordered. As she flung the door open I caught a fleeting glimpse of Darwin scampering out the room. I thanked Holly to further insults and settled down to enjoy my lunch.
“Oh, do you mind if I put the TV on? It’s the final episode in this series of Extraordinary Science with Phil Burchell.” I interrupted.
I was really excited about the series finale, as after much controversy and legal wrangling it was to be shown at last.
“Not at all,” said Vince, “This was a good episode. Phil finally shows that a perpetual motion machine is possible, just not in our dimension.”
The shock of this spoiler grasped me like a raven grips the envelope of a dirigible and pecks and pecks until it bursts, freeing all the gaseous candy on all its friends at a party for woodland creatures. Rage boiled inside me. I stood and punched Vince right in his smug little jaw. Nobody could make light of that right hook, as I had been the under-three regional martial arts champion six years running.
“I’m sorry but you ruined it for me,” I said once I had regained my usual calm demeanour.
“Don’t worry, I’m used to it. This sort of thing happens all the time. Although I think you loosened one of my fillings, which might be a little problematic,” he said clutching at his jaw.
After a few moments sparks covered his body. He strained against the peculiar display of electromagnetism, before a flash of temporal light filled my office. In his place sat a skeleton, which soon disintegrated. I panicked and quickly prayed at my shrine to the Great Owl, spirit animal of scepticism, science and knowledge.
“Holly! No time to argue, bring me a dustpan and brush!” I commanded with all the authority I could muster.
“The nerd you’re interviewing has just arrived. Do you want him sent in with the dustpan and brush?” she replied.
“What are you talking about?!”
“I’ll take that as a yes, you idiot.”
To my horror, Vince walked into my office carrying his briefcase and a dustpan and brush, and looking, perhaps, an hour younger. He looked at the chair covered in dust and laughed.
“I see you’ve had a go at the perpetual motion machine they had on that science show,” he said.