SJIS Investigates
Amateur Time Travel
Warren, Z*
*SJIS [email protected]
Part 1
It was with great reluctance that I went to conduct this interview. I had spent the last week negotiating my paltry pay with the miserly supreme editor-in-chief and in the end had accepted his meagre terms as they were the best that I could achieve. All I had managed to acquire were a handful of pennies, a slice of brie and the use of my own dirigible, Conscientia, for work purposes. I sighed as I stared out of my office window onto the grid-locked lanes of cars below me trying vainly to reach their destinations as I lamented my poor negotiation skills. I was disturbed from my reverie by an irksome buzzing sound. I sat at my desk, made of the finest pallet I could scrounge, and answered the phone.
“Why won’t you answer the damn phone, you imbecile?!” my unbearable secretary yelled.
“I am! Don’t talk to me like that or I’ll have you used as ballast.” I retorted, most expertly.
“Well that bloke you’re interviewing has just arrived at this ridiculous airship.”
“Good. Call me when he gets up here.”
I heard a deep thud as my detestable secretary hurled another piece of office equipment at my door. The only reason I employ Holly Jazz is because she’s the sister to my pilot and the rest of the crew won’t work with her. My pet dog Darwin sat next to me and I patted his head to calm myself.
I jumped as I suddenly became aware of my guest putting his briefcase beside my desk and taking a seat. I shook his hand, wondering why Holly hadn’t mentioned that he was right outside my door. I quickly got over my bemusement and began the interview with earnest.
“Hello there, you must be Mr Vanderbob, the famed amateur time traveller.” I said.
“Please, call me Vince,” he replied.
“So, Vince, how long have you been dabbling in time travel?”
“Ah, good question. Roughly six thousand years from your perspective, but only eight by my own.”
“Of course I understand you but perhaps you’d like to explain that for our more… casual readership.”
“Yes, from my own point of view I’ve only spent the last eight years on my little hobby but I’ve travelled over six thousand years of time.”
“I see… What’s your favourite time to visit?” I asked, as I fought to understand his complex physics.
“Probably this period, as it’s a time of such change,” he replied.
I laughed, “No really, what is it? Maybe ancient Egypt or stone age Britain, or perhaps medieval China?”
“Definitely this time, but I can see you don’t comprehend. I come from the future: seventy-two years from now to be precise.”