What are you currently working on, and how is it at the cutting edge of scientific discovery?
I am pleased to announce that I am working on issue of paramount importance that top minds have been puzzling over for centuries: can you get frozen waves? I've teamed up with a statistician of great reknown, Dan T. Man. We're conducting a statistically intensive demonstration that frozen waves A) do in fact exist and that B) they're extremely unimportant in every sense. I can understand that you would be skeptical of this collaboration, but I needed to find someone who'd be willing to take such an avant-garde and controversial stance on this issue who is equally lacklustre in their statistical rigour. Naturally, Prof. Man is the only candidate who meets these criteria, so I'm sure you'll understand.
What are you hoping to work on in the future?
I've been putting together the framework for a project to demonstrate that all biological entities in the ocean are in fact just chemical constructs of a physical nature, therefore invalidating the need to divert valuable resources from the field of biology into the one true path of physical oceanography.
Apart from Science, what do you get up to in your spare time?
I'm not sure what you mean by "apart from science". Science is all.
In light of the extraordinary discoveries made by the SJIS in its short history, many are saying that there isn’t anything left to discover. What do you say to this, and how are you still in a job?
These claims are, of course, true. My future work will largely consist of postulating and immediately debunking new hypotheses that are all demonstrably wrong, because there can be no more new hypotheses that are also correct.
Good luck with all that - it sounds like you've got an interesting year ahead. I'd like to finish with a joke, as is SJIS tradition: Does Hooke's law of oscillations work for Spring Tides?
[Laughter]
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