We love because he first loved us . 1 John 4:19
us with a never-ending , never-disappointing love . He had already demonstrated His love for us in the most profound way . “ In this is love , not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins ” ( 1 John 4:10 ). Therefore , the Bible continues , “ If God so loved us , we also ought to love one another [ including my spouse !]” ( 1 John 4:11 ).
I don ’ t need to use my schemes in pressuring , manipulating , and demanding love from my spouse . Instead , I can “ go vertical ” by daily preaching the gospel to myself , reminding my mind and heart of God ’ s infinite , unstoppable love for me , and then “ go horizontal ” by pouring His overflowing love into my spouse .
LIVING OUT 1 JOHN 4:19
As Gladine and I gradually began to learn to live out these gospel truths , our marriage began to sweeten . The pattern of “ we love because He first loved us ” can be applied to many other aspects of our daily life as husband and wife . Consider the following examples .
Freedom : Because of the gospel , “ There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus ” ( Rom . 8:1 ). I don ’ t need to live in fear of condemnation , defending myself if I detect any real or even imagined criticism from my spouse . I am safe from condemnation not because of my own perceived goodness but because of the sure , unshakeable work of Jesus Christ on my behalf . My converted spouse is also free from condemnation . If the perfectly holy God no longer condemns my spouse , why would I ? The pattern of a gospelcentered marriage is one free from words , attitudes , and actions of condemnation painfully leveled at one another .
Humility : Because of the gospel , I recognize that the greatest problem in my marriage is me and my sinfulness . “ Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners , of whom I am the foremost ” ( 1 Tim . 1:15 ). Owning this truth as “ trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance ” leads me to see that my greatest problem in marriage is not my spouse
failing to meet “ my needs .” My greatest problem is my own sinfulness , and believing this shapes my approach to problems in our marriage , leading me to suspect my own heart first as a primary cause of the problem we are facing .
Forgiveness : Because of the gospel , “ we have redemption through his blood , the forgiveness of our trespasses , according to the riches of his grace ” ( Eph . 1:7 ). The pattern of a gospelcentered marriage is one in which a forgiven husband and a forgiven wife are “ kind to one another , tenderhearted , forgiving one another , as God in Christ forgave you ” ( Eph . 4:32 ). Forgiven sinners forgive sinners .
Acceptance : Because of the gospel , I have been accepted by Christ . In turn , I can accept my spouse as they are not demanding certain changes to earn my acceptance ( Rom . 15:7 ).
Patience : Because of the gospel , I have experienced the “ perfect patience ” of Jesus Christ ( 1 Tim . 1:16 ). In turn , I can live “ with all humility and gentleness , with patience , bearing with one another [ my spouse ] in love ” ( Eph . 4:2 ). Serving : Because of the gospel , Jesus Christ
“ came not to be served but to serve , and to give his life as a ransom for many ” ( Mark 10:45 ). In turn , I can serve my spouse using the gifts and resources that God has graciously given to me for that purpose ( 1 Pet . 4:10 ).
Love : And , as a summary of our gospel-sweetened marriage , “ We love because he first loved us ” ( 1 John 4:19 ).
The gospel continues to sweeten my marriage to my high school sweetheart . When we allow ourselves to be soaked in our Savior ’ s love and learn of and follow His excellent way , His love will overflow to those around us . ■
Dr . Larry E . McCall is the director of Walking Like Jesus Ministries ( wljministries . org ). He is the author of Loving Your Wife as Christ Loves the Church , Grandparenting with Grace , Walking Like Jesus Did , and other Christ-centered publications . Larry is married to Gladine , his high school sweetheart , and together they enjoy three children and seven grandchildren .
RENEWANATION . ORG 19