Understand the godly roles of men and women . God has given the role of the head of the family to husbands . To wives , He has given the role of the helpmate . Dr . Ed Cole , the founder of the Christian Men ’ s Network , was well known for his adages on marriage . Here are just two : “ Being a male is a matter of birth ; being a man is a matter of choice .” “ When a man acts like a child , it forces his wife to act like his mother .”
Although these are somewhat humorous , the Ephesians 5 model of a man ’ s role in marriage is the most misunderstood by men today . If men aren ’ t taught by the church or family how to translate this commandment into action , it limits their ability to be the leader God commands . His role in the family cannot be delegated to the female , and a family with no godly male leadership will always be unstable .
Understand the power of agreement . The importance of agreement in marriage cannot be overstated , and this article cannot do justice to the matter . I strongly encourage you to get the book The Power of Agreement by Dr . Ed Cole for valuable tips on taking authority over disunity in the family . Matthew 12:25 gives us clear and unequivocal direction on the subject : “ Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them , ‘ Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined , and every city or household divided against itself will not stand .’”
Establish boundaries around your marriage . It ’ s an essential biblical principle that directly impacts our family , friends , sports , phones , hobbies , and television . After a couple says “ I do ,” their priorities in life must change , and every commitment should become subject to mutual consent . Dr . James Dobson ’ s book Love for a Lifetime : Building a Marriage That Will Go the Distance identifies key issues that work against a lifetime marriage .
Learn to speak the same language . After love , the most misunderstood element of marriage is our ability to communicate effectively . In their book Speaking of Love , Fred and Anna Kendall present the importance of our language and the manner in which we speak : “ By language , in all its facets , people love in peace or go to war . They sing hymns in harmony or shout insults . They express love or hatred . Within the intimate world of marriage , language in all its facets is how couples live together in peace or in pain .”
It is essential for a couple to learn how to raise their communication skills to the highest level since it is here that intimacy and oneness are established . Here , you begin to know your partner ’ s likes and dislikes , especially as it involves the most intimate areas of the sexual relationship .
Also , in Ephesians 4:29 , Paul writes , “ Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths , but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs , that it may benefit those who listen .”
KEY TAKEAWAYS
Be goal oriented by developing a long-term view of marriage . Marriages will pass through seasons of life , and they are totally different from the day of the wedding ceremony .
Have fun together and commit to a regular date night or vacation alone .
Take time to start each day in prayer . In the evening , asking , “ How was your day ?” will often produce an understanding of events that you didn ’ t see on the surface .
Finally , become adept at speaking the following statement from deep within your heart , “ I ’ m sorry . Will you please forgive me ?”
SUMMARY
Marriage is the most powerful institution in our social environment for adults and children , equally important to systematic education in a school or university . Ultimately , it promotes and supports the health , wealth , and well-being of every child and adult in our world . In other words , it ’ s a very big deal . Another well-known adage from Dr . Cole is , “ As the family goes , so goes the nation .”
In the absence of a wholesome family of origin , our role must be learned and understood through premarital counseling before we take on the responsibility of meeting the needs of another person . Our brain does not mature physically or spiritually until we are about twenty-five years old ; therefore , many decisions we make before that age are filled with emotion and must be tempered with caution through mentoring . Premarital training by a certified counselor is an essential key to a lifelong marriage . ■
Dr . Gary Jones and his wife , Linda Kay , live at Smith Mountain Lake , Virginia , and are frequent guest speakers on the marriage relationship . He holds undergraduate business degrees from Northeastern University in Boston and graduates degrees in International Finance from NH College . He also holds a Doctorate in Christian Counseling . Their passion includes pre-marital counseling , mentoring , and life coaching . His avocation also includes a serious love for open ocean sailing . They have seven children and fourteen grandchildren .
RENEWANATION . ORG 33