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When it comes to discipline, there are many parents like
Jeff and Jessica, who are frustrated and confused, lost in a
sea of opinions, and unclear how to correct a child. Jeff and
Jessica want to be good parents, but they don’t understand
the biblical principles of discipline or how to apply them
to parenting.
Biblically, it is helpful to understand that discipline is
a key component of discipleship. Discipline is the prob-
lem-solving side of parenting that recognizes something is
wrong in the heart of the child. Hebrews 12:10 tells us the
goal of discipline is holiness that yields the fruit of peace
and righteousness to those who have been trained by it
(Heb 12:10-11).
God commands parents to discipline children (Prov
19:18; Heb 12:9-10; Eph 6:4). God didn’t call parents to
the task of discipline without telling us how to accomplish
it. With that in mind, let’s explore five characteristics of
biblical discipline.
1. BIBLICAL DISCIPLINE BEGINS BY
ESTABLISHING PARENTAL AUTHORITY
God has given parents authority over children. You are in
charge, not because you are bigger or smarter, but because
God has placed you in authority to act on His behalf. If you
are unclear about your authority as a parent, you will not
provide the spiritual leadership your child needs. There will
be a lack of consistency, boundaries will regularly change,
passivity will permeate the home, and a child will lose
respect for you. If you abdicate or share authority with a
child, you can expect problems just like Jeff and Jessica had.
Our culture swings between two faulty forms of author-
ity: harsh control and permissive freedom. God instructs
parents to exercise authority, not to make children do what
we want, but to train children to live obediently under God’s
authority. As a parent, you must exercise authority because
your child is required by God to honor and obey you. When
a child disobeys a parent, it is ultimately God who is being
disobeyed because the child is rebelling against the authori-
ty God has placed in the child’s life.
Parental authority is often compromised when children
are young. Your goal is to establish your authority as early
as possible. The earliest battlegrounds seem minor, but they
set the pattern for all other areas. Bedtime, mealtime, and
16
what children wear need to be under parental control. Chil-
dren should not be given the freedom to decide when they
go to bed or whether they will attend church as children
quickly learn that parents are sharing authority. As children
age, a precedent is established that is repeated in other areas
of life and results in a painful battle for authority between
parent and child.
If you are a new parent and you wonder where to begin,
start by establishing your parental authority in love. Obedi-
ence is the foundation upon which all other teaching is built.
Without obedience, parents cannot begin focusing on char-
acter development or spiritual growth. The Bible states that
obedience is the first commandment with a promise (Eph
6:1-3). It will not go well in your home if children do not
learn to respect your authority.
2. BIBLICAL DISCIPLINE IS AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE
Discipline is the tool God has given parents to deal with a
child’s sin and save a child’s soul (Prov 23:13-14). Discipline
helps our children move in this direction and deters them
from destruction. From a biblical perspective, discipline
is an expression of love (Heb 12:6-7). Love is what makes
discipline beneficial. The Bible teaches that the absence of
discipline is unloving (Heb 12:8). Correction without love,
done in anger, is what makes discipline abusive. The parent
who exercises authority in gentleness and kindness will
generally find that a child does not resist or run.
3. BIBLICAL DISCIPLINE FOCUSES ON THE GOSPEL
Your primary parenting problem is that your child is a
sinner (Ps 51:5; Gen 8:21). The author of Hebrews helps us
diagnose a child’s behavior as a “struggle against sin” (Heb
12:4). Disobedience, at its heart, is rebellion against God,
not to be excused as brain development or misdiagnosed
as a disorder. Discipline, done correctly, points children to
the cross where they see the depravity of their heart, under-
stand the need for a Savior, and want to live in a way that is
pleasing to God.
Parents must understand their child’s behavior in terms
of heart motivation (Mark 7:21; Luke 6:45) and believe that
change is the result of a child internalizing the gospel and
seeking to live in obedience to God. When discipline meth-
odology does not deal with the heart, it strays from a biblical
form of discipline. Be wary of anyone, including Christians,
who present models or methods for discipline that are not
focused on the gospel.
The gospel should be at the heart of all discipline. We
must seek to understand the attitudes, actions, and motives
of a child’s heart and hold out the beauty of the gospel for
a child to embrace. A child’s sin will only wither when the
gospel is brought to bear on it, and Jesus is savored as more
beautiful and satisfying than the sin.