The New Social Worker Vol. 20, No. 1, Winter 2013 | Page 20

so full of that paradoxical, very human, blend of shadow and light. When the laughter finally waned, we sat silently. Jack squeezed my hand. I asked him what it was like to know he was dying. His voice was weaker, as though the laughter had used up all his energy. “It’s not as hard as I thought it would be,” he whispered. I waited to see if he would expand on this, but he didn’t. I offered the thought that in some ways, and in some cases, living can be as hard a job as dying. He grinned widely and nodded his head in agreement, whispering, “Sometimes living is harder.” His strength was ebbing. He appeared to be falling asleep. As I rose to go, he opened his eyes and gripped my hand with what felt like all his remaining strength. I sat back down and asked if there was anything more he wanted to ask, say, or talk about while I was there. “I’m sorry about before,” he said. I strengthened my grip and smiled. “It’s good to see you, Jack...I mean, it’s really good to see you.” For years, I’d talked with social work interns and those new in the field about the importance of seeing beneath the storms that might be roiling the surface of a person’s life and not letting these disturbances become definitional. Storms can be fierce. When the winds of terminal illness are howling, people may act in ways that appear hostile, manipulative, or aloof (just to name a few). Storms can be compelling, and it is easy to become stuck here. But this is just the surface. We must try not to be distracted on the surface for too long, however compelling the storm may seem. Beneath the surThree generations—continued from page 9 Kryss sees other financially driven changes in social work. “I think the economy is causing some colleagues to work in positions not utilizing their social work degrees, because of student loan forgiveness options for those who take certain kinds of jobs.” Susan notes that unlike her mother, practitioners today jump around from job to job, with less stability. There may also be more supervisory positions. “I haven’t seen clients in a long time. My ‘clients’ are other social workers,” she says. The Internet is a revolutionary change, used by social workers—as by other professionals—for networking and sharing information and solutions. 18 The New Social Worker face, each person, however their troubles may be affecting them, has wisdom, resilience, and the capacity for growth, insight, and connection. Somewhere down in the depths, the waters are calmer and there is the possibility for peace. Finding this place requires patience, kindness, and a willingness to suspend judgments and fixed labels. It also requires the courage to keep showing up and trusting that beneath the waves there is a deeper place with which those who are being buffeted can connect and from which they can act. Somehow I had completely forgotten about this when it came to Jack. Yes, I’d continued to show up and listen without lashing back. I’d monitored myself internally, trying to stay grounded and not get hooked into the dramas, inviting Jack, whenever I could, to step back and find some perspective. But by telling myself a story about him that was based more on my frustration than on kindness, I missed him. The truth is he really pushed my buttons. All I could see was the surface storm. When I walked away after his initial discharge, all I’d really done was taken a few snapshots of him while he was struggling with some of the hardest challenges of his life—desperately trying to remain independent and in control as he fought back his fear and the world closed in on him. I had allowed these snapshots to define him. That last visit, Jack seemed like a tired old warrior finally ready to lower his sword, the last of life’s battles fought, nothing left to defend, nothing left to prove. His defenses were down, his heart, there all along, was opening into When she went to school, social work education (and the field) was less generic, Selma points out. “People can go into a variety of areas today, and people’s needs are complex. As they live longer, someone may have a child who needs treatment and an older parent who needs long-term institutionalization or care.” Perhaps that is one reason the field has no problems “replenishing” itself, Selma suggests. “Many people who thought they wanted to be psychologists or other mental health professionals end up as social workers,” she concludes. Barbara Trainin Blank is a freelance writer based in Harrisburg, PA. Winter 2013 view. Before I left, I told him I’d be back to see him again in a couple days. When I returned, he was sleeping. When I came back once more, he was nonresponsive. We never spoke again. Jack, it really was good to finally see you. J. Scott Janssen, LCSW, has been a hospice social worker for 20 years. He is author of the book The Dawn is Never Far Away: Stories of Loss, Resilience, and the Human Journey. He works for Duke Hospice in Durham, NC, and can be reached at john. [email protected]. 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