The New Social Worker Vol. 20, No. 1, Winter 2013 | Page 19

about him whenever I passed by the thought about how much he’d loved his narrow dirt road leading into the woods little home out in the woods and how that wound to his secluded little fortress. tenaciously he’d worked to stay there. I Sometimes I felt relief that I’d never see thought about him being in an unfamiliar him again. At other times, I had a sense place surrounded by strangers, coming in of dread that sooner or later, he’d be and out of those mysterious states of conback. sciousness that can emerge near death, On the morning I saw his name and not knowing where he was. Part of once again listed under the previous me actually wanted to see him, if only so day’s new admissions, I swallowed hard. he’d see a familiar face. I decided to go He’d been transferred from the hospital back the next day and try again. So what to our inpatient facility for additional if he threw me out? symptom management before going The visit was to be our last. I walked home, presumably in a few days. I in, and Jack was awake. He smiled wide played out various scenarios in my head and held out both arms as if to hug me. through which I might get him assigned My first thought was that he was conto another social worker. All such plotfused. “Hi, Jack. Remember me?” ting was, of course, futile. Images of the His smile broadened (something angry ogre hurling boulders and shoutI’d never seen before), and he said, “My ing obscenities floated through my mind. social worker.” I was certain more trouble lay ahead. He clasped my hand and continued Since there was a social worker at holding it throughout the visit as I sat the facility, I put off visiting for a couple beside the bed. “I feel so much better days. When I finally went looking for now that you’re here,” he said. him, Jack was coming in and out of con Masking my surprise, and wondersciousness and having periodic confuing if he was being sarcastic or setting sion. Chances were good he would never me up, I asked him about what had been make it home. He was sleeping that day, going on recently. and I did not wake him up. I walked out “It’s been a hard time.” His eyes apthe door thinking I was1off1/28/11 2:48 PM peared to water slightly, “I think I might the hook. NSW 2011 ad:Layout Page 1 I could leave and not return. Then I be dying.” No secretiveness, no defensiveness, no complaints, no blame or attacks. Tucked into the bed where he’d soon die, he was no longer fighting to stay home, no longer fending off threats, real and imagined, to the safe little lair in the woods with the alarm system and security cameras. His memory and concentration were taxed, and he had a hard time finding words, but slowly, methodically, Jack searched for language to describe and process what he was experiencing. At one point, he lost his train of thought but somehow managed to make a humorous play on words. When he grinned, I cracked a joke. To my utter amazement, he started laughing harder than I’ve ever heard any patient in his shape laugh. His laugh was so genuine and infectious I couldn’t help joining in, and before long, there we were, two guys sitting in a hospice room holding hands and laughing so hard I thought Jack was going to need oxygen. The waves of laughter continued. Each time they started to subside, one of us would crack another joke and begin another cascade. The theme of all these jokes was fundamentally the same—what a strange and crazy thing it is to be human, and thus, MASTER OF SOCIAL WORK • CLINICAL SOCIAL WORK PRACTICE • MANAGEMENT AND PLANNING Fully accredited by the Council on Social Work Education Convenient evening and weekend course work for the adult learner Locations: Harrisburg DuBois Huntingdon Lancaster Pottsville Mansfield Dallas For more information and a complete list of programs offered at Temple University Harrisburg, call 717-232-6400 or 1-866-769-1860 (toll-free), email us at [email protected] or visit our website at www.temple.edu/harrisburg LEARN. LEAD. INSPIRE. The New Social Worker Winter 2013 17